UnNews:Bin Laden not dead, vacationing in Hell
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
13 April 2013
HELL, BOTTOM OF THE EARTH - In a shocking turn of events, it turns out that Bin Laden wasn't really dead, but instead was vacationing in hell. Recent reports from UnNews correspondents in our Hell bureau confirm that Bin Laden is having the time of his life there, chatting it up with the prince of darkness himself and taking a dip in one of hell's many spa pools. "When we first raided the compound, we saw nobody inside there; we assumed that someone had killed Bin Laden, desecrated on his remains, and set the body on fire" said Obama during a recent press conference. "We naturally assumed he was dead."
When asking Bin Laden how he felt, he said "Ah, it's such a great pleasure to be in hell; it's such a break from all the "planning" and "blowing buildings up". In fact, you could say this vacation was 9 years in the making". Most of America obviously felt pissed off by the news, when we asked one bystander what he felt, he said "We did all that partying for nothing!, I chanted "USA" the day after his death and everybody chanted for 4 hours; we felt like we were #1, now I just feel ashamed". When asking Bin Laden on when he was going to go back, he said "September, I'm going back in September; maybe then can we kill those infidels."
