UnNews:Big Tex is reborn! Run for the hills!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

17 October 2013

His ghastly countenance defies you to look at him.

DALLAS, Texas - O MY GOD!!! If you, somewhere else in the world, are planning to go to Texas anytime soon, do not go to the state fair!!! For it is confirmed: Big Tex has been rebuilt! He was revealed on Thursday, 26 September, one day earlier than it was intended, because there were strong winds. Or something.

"AAAAAAAA!!!!" screams a little girl nearby, now crying with fear. "Mommy!!!"

In fact, Big Tex is now three feet taller, a total of 55 feet. This reporter also wants her mommy, just thinking about it.

"He looks uglier than ever," said a relatively fearless spectator. "His eyebrows are all like 'huh?' and I was like whaaaat?"

But please, whatever you do, don't go to the state fair! Nothing but fucking ridiculous ticket prices, shitty fried food, games you will never win, and of course, the horrible, horrible spectacle of the Big Tex.

Sources

• Ray Villeda, Ben Russell "Big Tex makes his debut one day early" NBC, September 26, 2013

• Associated Press "State Fair's new 'Big Tex' is revealed" Houston Chronicle, September 26, 2013