UnNews:Barack Obama assassinated. Robert Gates sworn in as 44th president.
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
22 January 2009
| Robert "Michael Jackson" Gates | |
|---|---|
|
|
| Personal info | |
| Nationality | American |
| Date of birth | September 25, 1943 |
| Place of birth | America |
| Date of death | 30 April 1945 |
| Place of death | |
| First Lady | America |
| Political career | |
| Order | 44rd President |
| Vice President | |
| Prime Minister | n/a |
| Term of office | 2009– |
| Preceded by | Not Obama! Ha! |
| Succeeded by | |
| Political party | United States of America |
| Penis nickname | n/a |
In an event shocking thousands yesterday, at 12:00:57PM, President-Elect Barack Obama was assassinated 3 seconds before being sworn in as the 44th president of the United States of America. The shooter is alleged to be one Joe Biden, who's watch was approximately 5 seconds fast. He shot Obama in the chest, with a loaded banana, while screaming "Time for 4 years of Biden!". No resistance was met from the Secret Service agents, who were all stunned and rendered unconscious by an especially potent round of flatulence prior to the attack.
It appears that Mr. Biden thought he would become president, thus making him exempt from the law. That is not the case, due to Barack Obama not technically being president yet due to one misplaced word in the official inauguration oath. Mr. Biden is currently being made the bitch of 47 year old, "Bubba Kate".
Due to the untimely death of Mr. Obama, Robert Gates, a republican, and the current Secretary of Defense, has become president instead.
Some key issues that Mr. Gates supports are;
- The Bush Doctrine,
- War in Iraq until 2016,
- Bans against Gay Marriage and Abortion.
It will be interesting to see how this turns out,
That's all for now,