UnNews:9 out of 10 IPAs 'are Budweiser'

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Saturday, August 18, 2018

Many hipsters make jokes that Budweiser is German for "Bud whizzing" while gulping the same stuff down in a fancy bottle.

Nine out of ten bottles labelled Imperial Pale Ale are actually Budweiser, a shady bar owner has revealed.

The specialist ales, which have led to a boom in microbreweries and a fall in the number of Americans calling everything "beer", are, nonetheless, generally mass-produced Budweisers with new labels.

"Hipsters wouldn't be seen dead drinking a real Bud," our bar-owning source revealed, "But what we found is, while hipsters can identify the Budweiser label from an IPA one, they are not very good at identifying the taste."

One such customer, still rocking a short haircut and a huge beard about 5 years after you thought we would all be done with that shit, took a thoughtful swig of his renamed bud and said: "It's very crisp and refreshing. Bold hops. Powerful, agricultural aroma. Clean, fruity tartness and prickly carbonation pinching at the swallow."

"That was actually Bud Light," our source whispered, nervously watching as the customer absentmindedly picked at his homemade label.

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