UnGames:Make it to Ketchikan/BearThingAnalyze

HIPPITY HOPPITY SHMIPPITY SHMOPPITY PIPPITY POPPITY NIPPITY NOPPITY FLIPPITY FLOPPITY MEGALOCCASIN!!!

ANALYSIS COMPLETE

The Cyber-Squirrel analyzes the bear-thing.

*CYBER SQUIRREL CREATURE ANALYSIS VER. 1.07B*
SCANNING...
CALCULATING...
ANALYSIS COMPLETE!

SPECIES:           MUTANT BROWN BEAR (URSUS ARCTOS)
WEIGHT:            1283 LBS. / 582 KG.
INTELLIGENCE:      BELOW AVERAGE
CORRUPTION LEVEL:  HIGH (BUT NOT EXTREME)
PENIS SIZE:        2.2 IN. / 5.6 CM.
BAT FUCK INSANITY: MEGA ULTRA WTF
THREAT LEVEL:      SEVERE

The squirrel's analysis wasn't exactly useful, but at least you know it's a bear now.

You may now:

• Charge at the bear alongside the Man with a Face with an Ass and an Ass for a Face
• Troll the bear-thing
• Force the bear-thing to fight a pack of grues
• Ride the bear-thing
• Call the beast "Yogi", despite it being less smart than the average bear