UnBooks:Spongebob's Revenge
Oh my god.. Where do I begin... this is probably the most chilling experience I have ever had.
I don't think I'll ever look at Spongebob the same way again.
I mean like, not literally, I still see him as a sponge, but to be frank, I see him as a monster.
Look, all you have to do is read this story and see the horrors.
Come on, read.
Chapter 1[edit | edit source]
It all started when I walked past a garage sale. I'd thought to look over and see the stuff he was selling, and besides all his chintzy stuff and undesirable items of low quality, I saw something that surprised me in its mysteriousness. It was a tape called "Spongebob Squarepants - The Lost Episode". Now, this was an interesting thing. I don't remember any single episode of Spongebob online on any forums that was lost. Spongebob Squarepants had been around for 25 years, for goodness sake. I can't think of anything that could be lost, so I was confused AND intrigued at the same time. The perfect combination, I thought. I saw the tape and thought what the heck and took it to the man operating the yard sale.
"So, how much for this?" I questioned.
"Oh, this one, I've never actually used it. Must have gotten it from someone I don't remember. Eh, you can have it free." the man operating the yard sale answered. He was a young, bright man who had probably just gotten the will to live in his grandparents house and cleaned up anything he deemed unsatisfactory. He had half-rim glasses and used it to read the name of the VHS.
Well okay, weird response, I thought, and just said a nice thanks and left.
Chapter 2[edit | edit source]
Back at my apartment, I had come home and decided to put my VHS thing to work and take out my Finding Nemo DVD to make space. Turning on the TV, I inserted the "lost episode" in, and the TV static consumed the screen until finally it faded to pitch black. I saw the title of the episode, called "Spongebob's Revenge".
"What kind of name is that?" I responded to the emotionless TV, and shocker, got nothing back.
There was no credits, for some odd reason, and there were only just a scene of the sand, blank, with no names. This was the first sign of something weird going on, and I had no idea for the horrors I was going to see.
The episode opened with Spongebob in the morning, getting ready for work at the Krusty Krab.
"Ok, normal so far, what was that credits thing about?" I responded to the emotionless TV, and shocker, got nothing back.
When he was done, he sprinted to the Krusty Krab and stopped to see Mr. Krabs just opening the door.
"Hi, Mr. Krabs!" Spongebob said with a wide smile. I couldn't tell how old this episode was, but it looked at least 2004 to me.
"Oh, hello, boy-o. Spongebob.. I have something to tell you."
"What is it Krabs?"
"I, I, I'm firing you."
"Huh? Did you say you're fired up for today? Well, I am!"
"No. Look, you're being fired. I don't make the rules, well actually I do, you take too much off of me pay!
"Oh.." Spongebob started crying a little bit. "Alright then. See you tomorro-" Spongebob paused. "Never again."
Spongebob walked downcast out of the Krusty Krab, but was surprised to see what happened when he came back.
"NO!"
His pineapple had been struck by an anchor. Now, I was hesitant to think it was the home Mr. Krabs lived in, but it was attached to a chain AND was silver. Boat's anchor, I thought.
"Why!"
The pineapple slowly went up, the anchor almost dropped it, but it just went sky high out, out of the camera, out forever. I could see Spongebob getting even sadder. His pet Gary was in that pineapple, and it had just disappeared.
"I have no place to live! What am I supposed to do!"
After that, the mailman had come to Spongebob and appeared to look very sad, but not at anything that Spongebob had experienced, no, this was manufactured sadness. Sadness you would get at a vending machine. I would know, it's called Pepsi.
"I have... sad news to tell you Spongebob.. Your parents are dead.."
"WHAT!"
"Yes, they were eaten by the Alaskan Bull Worm. In this box is their will."
Spongebob snatched it from the mailman's hand and read it.
DEAR SPONGEBOB
WE ALWAYS HATED YOU LOL
WE WANTED TO ABORT YOU SO FAST BUT SADLY BIKINI BOTTOM BANNED IT
SO WE JUST TRIED TO GET ALONG WITH YOU
BUT IT NEVER WORKED
YOU GET NOTHING"They never said they hated me.. Was it all a lie?" This broke Spongebob's last straw.
"I guess."
"Be quiet." Spongebob said to the mailman, and he backed away and ran.
"I need to take vengeance against everyone... If my parents don't love me.. *sniff* who does.." Spongebob said.
"What the hell?" I responded to the emotionless TV, and shocker, got nothing back. I can't think of anything else to put here I just have that autistic brain where it works like that.
Chapter 3[edit | edit source]
Spongebob had no boat, as it had been put in the pineapple, so he sprinted to the Bikini Bottom gun shop. In the gun shop was a purple fish named Carl.
"Carl, do you have any machine guns?"
"We have an AK-47 right here."
"How much does it cost?"
"Oh, it's Labor Day, the discount is 9 dollars. This is free."
"Thanks, Carl."
As Carl the gun shop cashier gave it to Spongebob, Spongebob took the gun and shot him. There's a lot of deaths in this story, so I'll just put a counter here.
DEATH COUNT: 1 {VICTIM: CARL}
Spongebob's rampage had began. I was shocked at the hyperrealistic blood that had gushed out of Carl. I was scared. Now I realized why this episode was lost, glossing over the complete idiocy I had thinking this aired after the abortion joke and the fact that they were at a GUN SHOP. Whatevs, I guess.
Spongebob saw that the marching band had come to town.
"Easy targets. I always hated their music anyway." Spongebob whispered to himself.
As the marching band came close, he jumped out of the crowd and fired shots. All of them died by Spongebob's accuracy and quick-fire.
DEATH COUNT: 11 {VICTIM: MARCHING BAND}
All of them had hyperrealistic blood splattering out of them. Spongebob had made the crowd go full insane, and he shot all of them as they wandered around aimlessly.
DEATH COUNT: 547 {VICTIM: BIKINI BOTTOM RESIDENTS}
Spongebob had killed all of them. The children, the parents, even innocent snails.
"I've had enough of these weirdos. I need to escape this stupid world..."
Spongebob staggered to Patrick's rock and knocked on his door.
"Yes, spongeb- AAAH!" Spongebob shot a bullet into Patrick's fat belly right after he showed his body.
DEATH COUNT: 548 {VICTIM: PATRICK}
Spongebob didn't stop there. He took a shovel inside Patrick's attic and flopped the dead star body on the ground. He then used the shovel and started scraping up Patrick's skin. When he got to the organs, he then disemboweled Patrick, taking out all the organs and laying them down. He then decapitated and castrated him, and used the ax to scrape off more skin until he was at the muscular level. He then squeezed out all the blood left and put the shovel in the center of his mangled body, what was left of it at least. This was, to be short, horrifying. I was tempted to turn it off but this was so.. addicting.
Chapter 4[edit | edit source]
Spongebob uttered a sentence after he killed him.
"I have killed my own best friend with nothing but vengeance in my heart. I feel so, good.. I do not have any relations to any trait before me, or any thing I did before me. I am death, his mentor, his creator, I am love, love for death. I am hate, hatred for love."
"Okay, profound I guess." I responded to the emotionless TV, and shocker, got nothing back.
Spongebob then knocked at Squidward's house.
"Squidward..." Spongebob said in a darker tone. "I have a gift for you."
"What do you want, you yellow moron?" Squidward said behind the door.
"Oh nothing, just some.. surprise.."
Squidward was unsure, but unlocked the door anyway, and was hit in the face by the AK-47 assault rifle, then shot 10 times in the back.
DEATH COUNT: 548 {VICTIM: SQUIDWARD}
Spongebob did more torturing to poor Squidward, I almost felt bad for him but the endless blood and gore and violence I saw on the TV was at the front of my mind..
"Time for Mrs. Puff..."
Spongebob hijacked Squidward's boat and drove to the boating school. I was waiting for the police to come but then realized that he had probably killed them too in his rampage. He drove through a bloody Bikini Bottom with rancid bodies with hyperrealistic blood. When he came into the lane of Mrs. Puff's driving school, she was about to leave for the day. She saw Spongebob's bloody body and let out a blood-curdling scream. Spongebob shot 16 bullets in her head.
DEATH COUNT: 549 {VICTIM: MRS. PUFF}
After doing the usual torture, this one especially dragging out for long, Spongebob left to kill more.
Chapter 5[edit | edit source]
These next kills were more of the usual, and I'm so queasy I don't want to get into the details, so here.
DEATH COUNT: 554 {VICTIM: SANDY, PLANKTON, PEARL, LARRY, KAREN}
"And now, the final meal.. Crab legs.." Spongebob whispered under his breath.
As Spongebob opened the door with a slam into the Krusty Krab, he saw a rope coming from the roof, he looked down and saw the rope on Mr. Krabs' neck, and below a knocked-down stool. Mr Krabs killed himself.
DEATH COUNT: 555 {VICTIM: MR. KRABS}
"No..." Spongebob said.
I was shocked at what I was seeing on this VHS. Now I knew that anyone who was even involved in this was a sick person. Like, the hell is this? This is not something a sane person makes.
Spongebob looked at the camera. "You're next." he said. The VHS ended and I was terrified.
So, I decided to bomb Nickelodeon to atone for their sins. Stay tuned for the livestream, I guess.
The Prince of Darkness — the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent — has personally reviewed this article. The submitter and all subsequent editors are damned to eternal torment in hellfire
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