Timothy Dexter
Timothy Dexter was the greatest philosopher, businessman, Informer of Deer and all around epic dude in American history. He was the author of the greatest book of all time, A Pickle for The Knowing Ones. He held many accomplishments, such as inventing Lean, reaching millionaire status within one hour, being a genius and eating a Cabbage.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Little is known about Timothy's early life, however, his mother was quoted saying "THIS IS NOT MY CHILD, HE JUST FUCKING APPEARED IN MY LIVING ROOM ONE DAY AND NOW HE WON'T LEAVE HOLY SHIT I’M SCARED"
Business[edit | edit source]
Dexter's career began when he walked into Yehsreh Food Company, and all of the workers assumed he was the boss. Now that Timothy owned the company, he decided to employ revolutionary tactics to maximize profits, such as sexualized advertising, being an asshole, desexualized advertising, and using child slave labor. After making egregious amounts of cash, Tim left Yehsreh. However, the company went on to achieve even greater success when they flipped their name backwards. After his big break, Dexter had various other successful business ventures. For Example, a fellow aristocrat once jokingly advised Dexter to hire an artists to paint a picture of him wanking his willy. Dexter followed through, and multiple paintings of Dexter stroking his seed-spewer were sold for a great amount of money. This event single-handedly launched the entire pornography industry.
Other[edit | edit source]
Timothy Dexter never took a shower in his entire life. In this way, Dexter accidentally created gaming culture.