Why?:Buy A Timeshare

Want a Free Trip?

Would you like to take a free trip up to the beautiful Colorado mountains? You and your whole family'll stay here for a week, all expenses paid, and ski many of our fabulous courses. All you have to do is attend a brief meeting at the resort. No, really, that's it!

... Yes? Oh my God, really? You're the first person to say yes to me – ever. I ... No, you should still come. I won't be creepy about it, I promise. Alright, you can arrange your trip with my secretary, I'll switch you. I hope you're as excited as I am!

You're gonna have so much fun. Really, you are. Oh, oh, yes, yes, I'll transfer you. Sorry.

Well, hey there

You folks enjoying your stay up here in our gorgeous little mountain town of Aspen? Glad to hear it! How'd you like to own a little piece of land up here? Would that be really expensive? Haha, you're such a kidder. No, it's not expensive at all.

It's actually quite cheap

See, what you're buying here isn't a whole house or "a property". You're buying part of it. No, no, not just a room. Look, here's a brochure. See the time on here? If you come to that meeting tonight, I'll get you a free gift, along with this whole trip. You'd like that, wouldn't you? Of course you would! See you there!

Welcome to the meeting

Welcome to the dreaded "meeting", right? Don't worry, we'll make it fun. But, oh yeah, as it turns out, you're the only one to show up! Looks like we're gonna get to spend a lot of time together while we talk about this super special deal I'm offering. What is it? Well, you might know it better as a "timeshare", but to be honest, that makes it sound like you have to share a house with somebody.

Technically, I guess you are

But it's not like you're using it at the same time as other people. You just have to live with all the crap they leave behind, and it's kind of ... Sorry, I got a little bit off topic there. Silly me, right? Ha, yeah ... no, but really it's awesome – you get to own your own piece of land up here. You can just only use it for a limited amount of time.

Sounds good, right? Sounds good to me!

You want to leave

... you just came for the all-expenses-paid trip, huh. Well, you still get the free gift! Seriously, you're gonna want to stay for this. You want to know what the gift is? You wanna know?

Brochures

Take them. Take all of them, and then go enjoy your time on the slopes.

I wouldn't lose them, if I were you. I would read those very closely. Very, very closely.

So, did you read them

Hey there! Fancy seeing you up here on the slopes. Say, as I left my office last night I noticed a bunch of papers in the trash can in the hallway, and they looked suspiciously like those brochures. Just in case you did, you know, "lose them" here's some more.

Haha, no, it's cool. You just have fun with your family out here, okay? Okay!

I found the brochures

You see, buddy, what's interesting is that this time when I gave you the brochures I marked every single one of them to make sure if I found some just lying around somewhere I could check and see if they were yours. Guess you had them in that backpack you're wearing. Sure. They fell out ... I'm going to have to ask you to come with me, sir. You're disregarding the rules, which we'll need you to have actually read ... Come on, now.

Come with me or your family dies. Ha ha, not really. But do come with us. We wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them, right?

You will buy

I don't approve of violence, really. I don't want to hurt you. You could easily sue me, and that's not something I need for this business. But you know what I can do? I can make you watch slides. Just ... slides.

I have thousands

That's right, and if you make any noise, any – if I so much as hear you breathe – then I start over. Your eyes will begin to bleed from boredom, and you will thirst for release from the terrible shackles of contract-bound agreement you're in.

You really should've read the brochures. We really could have avoided all this.

You'd like a timeshare

Excellent! I'm so pleased to hear it. Well, why don't we go look at the houses, and then we can discuss the contract and the pricing. That's just great. It surely has been a pleasure doing business with you.

Oh, when you see your wife and kids again they might tell you some guys abducted them. We didn't get around to telling you it was only if the slides didn't faze you. Boy, we're lucky they did! That was close.

You think this is funny, numbskull?

Whoever wrote this lame-brained piece of garbage oughtta get a toupee with some brains in it! Now, get to work and rewrite it before I rip out your tonsils and tie it around your neck for a bowtie!