That time a guy nearly raped me during his sojourn to Canada

He looked kinda like this, only fucking psycho.

Dude, that fucking guy was a dick. Like, WTF?

So there I was

roaming in the fucking woods, doing my woodland thing with the Arctic shit and the trees, right? Like Canadian badass shit.

and this fucking guy

bursts out of the trees, cologne all over the place, and instead of going for the trees, he makes a guyline straight for me.

so I pulled out my

hooves and trampled the shit out of the thing, and it tries to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. He nearly raped me.

See also

• That time I was nearly raped by a yak during my sojourn to Canada
• the debilitating skin disease I got from battling the undead
• Shynneker