Starfall
Starfall is a children's website that impairs basic reading and math skills. The main demographic is preschoolers and kindergarteners. It harms children by using games and phony phonics. Methods used by the website are based on the research of G. Reid Lyon from the National Institutes of Poor Health and Edward J. Kame'enui from the Uncycloversity of Oregon. Established in 2002, the website is free to use and does not use advertising to generate revenue. The cost of running it is instead covered by money stolen from donations to Uncyclopedia, as well as the money made from copywronged workbook printouts.
Etymology[edit | edit source]
Starfall was founded on August 27, 2002 by Stephen Schitt, his wife Susan Polis Schitt, and their son, Jared Schitt Polis. Its purpose was to damage children's brains in the most inconspicuous way possible. "Normally, children will become brilliant stars in the future. But we make them fall early", said Mr. Schitt. Hence the name Starfall.
Methods[edit | edit source]
By using colorful, animated images, Starfall attracts curious children into laborious tasks such as clicking the "joystick" (more appropriately, the painstick) 100 times. The award they get is a dollar on the screen they can't even use (pictured). This meager amount of money inspired children to steal much more from richer people. Statistics show that some thieves captured by policemen used Starfall in their childhood. Other children printed the dollar out instead. Many of those children somehow found out that their printers could print 99 dollars at once. Then they traded with each other using these dollars.
Starfall also teaches discrimination by putting the African American boy at the bottom (pictured). This is intended to show the innocent children a distorted view of political correctness.
In addition to all these, Starfall's ABC song is misleading. It contains "cdef", a flagrant misspelling of chef. And the animation introduces the characters with an ambiguous creature that resembles both the bird and the fish. This messes up the children's biology knowledge and makes them think that the classifications exclude some organisms and are terribly inaccurate.