Shrove Tuesday

The traditional dessert eaten on Shrove Tuesday. I can see you licking the screen, you know.

Shrove Tuesday (a.k.a. Pancake Day) is the feast day of Saint Shrove of Dagenham, as celebrated in the United Kingdom. It is a moveable feast which means that you can have your pancakes any time during the week before, on, or after Shrove Tuesday, as the date on St Shrove's death certificate is a bit smudged, and you can't quite tell if it's supposed to be on the 28th, the 18th, or the 78th day of February.

Life

Saint Shrove was a Health & Safety consultant engaged in AD 79 by Emperor Claudius to undertake a risk assessment on the Watling Street (Thurrock by-pass) project. St Shrove refused to issue a safety certificate until the Centurions carrying out the work replaced their Roman sandals with approved safety footwear. During an argument with a squad of hodiieri (hod carriers), he was duffed-up, left unconscious on the roadway, and was run-over by a road-roller made out of a big boulder pulled by a triceratops.

Cannonisation

Both St Shrove and his lunch (a three-dimensional unleavened spherical fried snack) survived being flattened, whereupon he used his 20,000 denarii compensation to open a bakery in Dagenham High Street specialising in two-dimensional unleavened circular fried snacks. His survival was declared a miracle by Pope Firstus the Original in AD 80, and St Shrove was cannonised that day at a ceremony at Dagenham Town Hall.

Pancakes

St Shrove became associated with miracles relating to flat things, and was adopted as the Patron Saint of Pancakes, The Netherlands, pool tables, deflated footballs, and plasterboard.

The tradition of eating pancakes on Shrove Tuesday began in 1969 (on a Tuesday), primarily as a marketing campaign by Findus to promote their "Findus Crispy Pancake" brand: a savoury food modeled on a carpet slipper. The campaign was unsuccessful due to their product's bland taste and horrible texture. Three flavours were made available at launch; "plain", "normal", and "warm water"; however purchasers soon discovered that the cardboard packaging was decidedly more flavourful and nourishing than the pancakes themselves. And so it became the tradition to eat beer-mats, expired ration books and cereal packets on Shrove Tuesday as a protest against Findus.

In 1977, cardboard was in short supply because of the three-day-week and the oil crisis, so flour, water and eggs were used to make a kind of unconvincing floppy faux-cardboard disc as a substitute. Lemon juice and sugar were often added as a makeshift "hardener" in the mistaken belief that it would help the batter set, and the modern pancake was born.