A rush hour (American English, British English) or peak hour (British English), also known as "everyone drive like an absolute cunt for an hour" hour, is a mini-game that adults play between the hours of 5pm to 8pm that involves ruining everyone’s lives and making you wish you were dead.
According to a recent study if you are 17 and male, you have a 999,999,999,999:1 chance that you will crash into somebody on a very busy intersection, block the road for everyone else who just wants to get home and completely deny it was you fault. However it is currently believed that if you are a girl and are of a similar age, you will never crash, ever, not once. This is because while you are out of the kitchen drifting from lane to lane you will cause people of the opposite gender to swerve into a car to avoid you, or be confused as to how you carry a cooker around in your car and within this state of confusion, crash.“What the fuck! How can you crash and block goddamn traffic for two hours if you weren't fucking moving in the first place!!!”
~ A driver on why he is currently angry“Do you speak the English? Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”
~ Christ Tucker on The Other Kind of Rush Hour
I am currently in a traffic jam while I tell you about it, and may sometimes have to blank out and
Don't cut me off bitch! I'll cap your ass!
talk to the people in front of me. Traffic jams can sometimes be a
Don't flip me off, you bastard! I invented that gesture!
Why there are Traffic Jams!?[edit | edit source]
It is because God is punishing me, by putting all these
in front of me. He also makes all lights red when I reach them. I don't
I wouldn't have to drive safely around your baby on board sign if you used a goddamn condom!
do anything bad to deserve it. If you are in a traffic jam, it is because
Damn! I broke my horn honking at the fucktard in front of me!
I am nearby, and God is currently sending a plague of these unexperienced drivers at
Go to Hell, and learn how to fucking drive while you're there, pissant!
me. Sometimes people give me bad hand gestures, or yell profanity at me. Why are such crude people
Get off the goddamn phone, you tit!
on the road?
Where am I going in such a hurry, you ask?[edit | edit source]
Yeah, I bet you really need to get to your father's funeral! I bet you killed him with that fucking driving of yours!
I need to get to some anger management class. I don't understand why
MOVE UP! My car's growing roots!
I must go. A judge ordered me, and accused me of
If you cut me off one more time, I'm gonna hit your car with a golf club, you dick!
being obscene on the road. I don't know what he was talking about when
DID YOU JUST CUT ME OFF AGAIN!?
he did that. Also, he said that I might either be Bipolar or have ADD, and that
YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I JUST HIT YOUR CAR WITH THAT GOLF CLUB!
I might need help.
You think that I do need help?[edit | edit source]
DON'T PULL A FUCKING GUN ON ME! I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU FOR THAT!
I don't know where you got that from. I am a perfectly normal functioning member of society. In fact
YES OFFICER, I SHOT THAT RAT'S ASS IN THE LEFT MOTHERFUCKING EYE!
Oh sorry guys, I'm off to jail for some reason. I'll be back. Just you wait...
HOW DARE YOU ARREST ME, FUCKFACE!
This article is funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are an ignorant cultural philistine who does not recognize this without explanation. If you still do not find the article funny, that is probably because a joke loses its humor when it is explained. If you hadn't been so ignorant, then you wouldn't have needed to have the joke explained to you in the first place.