Proto-Autistic Culture
The Proto-Autistic Culture was a culture widespread throughout modern Romania in the aftermath of the Finno-Korean Hyperwar due to the activation of the Giza Mass Autism Array. The culture was known for its major retardation, due to the brain defect commonly referred to as Autism in modernity.
History[edit | edit source]
The Proto-Autistic culture was first recorded with the construction of the Reetboon "Geeg" in the Carpathian Mountains in 3712 BC. A Geeg is a type of structure built by Autistic cultures resembling a giant ribbon, likely the origin of the modern Autistic symbol of a ribbon. The Proto-Autistcs went on to construct over 600 recorded instances (likely more in reality) across the Carpathians, towns spawning around them, eventually leading to "Geegism"'s rise in 3030 BC. Geegism was the pagan religion of the Proto-Autistics, believing that the Geegs were actually holy symbols constructed by their god of creation, Ooob, caused because the retards couldn't keep track of their own fucking history (again, they were really retarded). With this, towns belonging to the Proto-Autistic Culture swiftly constructed "Oooboobs" which served as temples for Ooob, and eventually temples for the other gods were made. The towns with temples only for other gods were soon entitled Nuoobs, which literally meant "Without Heavens" in Proto-Autistic language. This sparked a constant conflict known as the Gorp Eesh, or Tied Conflict, or simply just "Retard Wars" to most other peoples.
The Gorp Eesh/Retard Wars[edit | edit source]
The wars began in 2918 BC with the city, or, Hmmt, of Qwaobhmmtaa (pronounced: Q-wah-ob-hm-tah) declaring war upon Theuhojhgkep (pronounced: The-uh-jog-kept) over Theuhojhgkep's apparent heresy of not having an Oooboob. The two armies of the cities came to a blow at modern Piatra Craiului, or in Proto-Autistic, Foog Guh (Fuck Mountain), but due to the retardation of both parties, none were able to survive, instead all accidentally killing themselves in genuinely hilarious mishaps. With the conclusion of the Battle of Foog Guh, the Oooboob-having cities formed the "Gorpee Co" (Tied Up Coalition) and the heretic cities formed the Numm Di (Without Him Two, two in reference to the two main cities that created the Numm Di). The Gorpee Co and Numm Di (in the south and north Carpathians respectively) would again come to blows at Theuhojhgkep in the Battle of Theuhjhgkep. Again, all the soldiers kept on killing themselves because they're retarded. This ended the first Retard War. 68 then followed throughout the next 900 years, until eventually a great period of unrest resulted in the Keuh Eese.
The Keuh Eese (Self Revolt)[edit | edit source]
The Keuh Eese was the result of millennia of war between each other, and is commonly seen as the reason the Proto-Autistic culture came to an end. Mass destruction ensued, but little historical accounts of this remain, leaving us only to assume great destruction caused the end of the civilization and culture.
Language and Characteristics[edit | edit source]
Language[edit | edit source]
The language of the Proto-Autistics is incredibly loosely defined, having little-to-no grammar rules and commonly shitty handwriting. What is known about it is that it resembles a shit ton of mispronounced English, leading to some believing it is in reality a bunch of time travelling autistic Americans, though records of minimal obesity disprove this. Here is the Lord's Prayer in what is believed to be Proto-Autistic as an example.
"A fe uh Uoobs, fa e u ame, u keuhuh er, u aut e wo, o erf a I Uoobs. Guh y mm mhm, Nn fud, a uhh nn uhu. Guh ej uho nua minos, wu fed beed. Ers uu I keuhuh, guh gling, glity. Ooug."
As you can see, it's weird.
Characteristics[edit | edit source]
The Proto-Autistic culture is defined by loosely tied together leaves anywhere on the body as an excuse for clothing and pottery in the shape of a dick. Thousands of such pottery examples are found across the Carpathians. It's clothes are evidenced through rarer cave paintings of themselves and in the sculptures of other cultures (such as Proto-Latins, who later became the fucking Romans.)