phpBB
phpBB is a popular game invented in 1995 by James Atkinson. Currently published by Hasbro, the game consist of users upgrading and maintaining a bulletin board system for as long as possible. To date, it is the most difficult game out there.
Premise[edit | edit source]
Players of the game are given one fresh copy of "bulletin board software" for which they have to set up manually. Since the game does not come with SQL or a PHP backbone[1], users often had to visit hobby store to search for them which often led to confusion over which SQL backbone would be beneficial for them to use. Once installed, players than have to modify their own installation with modified code that allows for multi-quotes and quick replies. Unlike rival games like vBulliten and Invision Board, the only way to install a mod is to modify the actual files themselves; some say this gives players more of a challenge since they're forced to rely on pure whit instead of laziness.[2]
Players are given a variety of directions ranging from add before to add after to replace and in-line edit. Players have to be especially careful and follow the directions step by step; this tests the mental and physical strengths of the players as they have to use their short-term memory to remember complicated line structures and they have to utilize their muscles in order to do menial work they could get paid doing. Users keep adding mod after mod until they see what is usually a white screen with no error message or an actual error page, which comes up more rarely.
The game can progress for days at a time due to the varying amount of time one takes in installing plugins. The player with the most mods installed wins the game, bonus points are awarded if the forum is still running after installing so many mods.
Strategy[edit | edit source]
phpBB is usually a game of cunning wits, therefore many strategies are used. One of the more frequently used strategies is not updating phpBB at all; while one of the goals of the game is to keep your bulletin board running for as long as possible, the main goal is to install the most mods possible and players who utilize this strategy often end up in last place. Another strategy is to stop installing mods once you reached the point of usability; this ensures users a victory mainly because the bonus points awarded will often leap a player into first place but leaves them suspectable to newer versions which they have to upgrade to least they want to be seen as losers. It is known that newer versions can produce often unpredictable results, such as producing a white screen or error message despite the mod working before.[3]
Some players oftenly judge the usability of mods and try to install them based on how useful it might be. While there are no points awarded for usability, certain professional competitions often use usability as a factor of points. Players often assure themselves that the more useful the mod, the less they're likely to lose and because of this, use them in home games for practice purposes. Several players have even managed to find a loophole by "modifying" the code to work on the newer versions, effectively preventing a white screen. Normally something like this would go against the rules but there is nothing in the rulebook that says they don't do it. Competitions usually frown on such practices because they essentially constitute cheating and modifying often leads to disqualification but regardless modification is still seen as a noble strategy.
Tournaments[edit | edit source]
Notably, there exists Several phpBB tournaments ranging from local matches to the national playoffs; each one of these tournaments is filled with the stereotypical geek; a white skinny guy without glasses with a cool shirt who also drinks beer. These players often take phpBB to the extreme and make it their life to be masters of phpBB, they practice playing single player games in a darkened room with zero daylight; because of said practices, many people have been able to modify files and enter code within the blink of an eye. It has been said that tournaments showcase the best of players, many people have made a living out of phpBB tournaments, connecting with fellow tournament goers; winning endorsements from Monster energy drink, fabulous cash prizes and making a name for themselves in the harsh world of phpBB competition.
It also has been said that tournaments showcase the worst of players with some of them slamming the keyboard at the sight of a white screen. Because phpBB is difficult to play, it does not give the benefit of good sportsmanship thus leading to several incidents from fights with other players to even all out riots; phpBB supporters often detest at this kind of behavior because it gives a bad name to phpBB, one where players have hissy fits if they lose and one where people get rowdy instead of being civilized. Training classes have been set up by national phpBB groups in order to combat bad sportsmanship; while they have been successful in significantly reducing bad sportsmanship, the problem still persists because a minority of people get frustrated when they try to play a difficult game.[4]
Benefits[edit | edit source]
Like Monopoly and The Game of Life before it, phpBB often teaches people of all ages important life lessons that can't be learned elsewhere. This includes such lessons as.
- Keeping your eye on things - The fact that phpBB requires you to make changes to modifications based on various instructions; it often forces you to keep your eyes on the instructions. This can be easily applied to real life as it'll allow you to find where you're keys are in addition to feeling if you're wallets been stolen or not.
- Noticing slight differences - Since your eye will be switching between two distinct points, it's making you more keen to the differences of said points. In fact, if you play this game for a long time, you'd be able to find Waldo on every book.
- Trial & error - This game doesn't take kindly to anyone at all, being ruthless when it comes to playing the game. With every white screen you'll be determined to try over and over and over and over and over again until you get it. Such skills easily translate to a boring office job where hard work and patience are awarded with great results even if you have the most boriningest job in history.
- Life isn't fair - Some have said that the game has a mind of it's own, constantly trying to piss you off. The more you play, the more you get used to the fact that your pants are messed up by mud or you gave away all your life savings to some Nigerian prince.
- Increases your IQ - When you're playing phpBB, you're using your brain in so many different ways. Looking at the code, trying to figure out where the code goes, every section of the brain is just stimulated with activity. You're IQ can increase by up to 120% unlike reading Wikipedia which has been proven to degrade intelligence to infant-like levels.
Variants[edit | edit source]
Due to it's popularity, several variants have spawned from the simplistic game of phpBB. These include
- Anti-phpBB: This variant has the opposite of phpBB in that thousands of mods are used and players are required to get rid of many of these mods; people often have trouble discerning which is original code and which is mod code. It was developed by James Anspach after he showed disgust for the domineering nature of the mods; Hasbro originally sued to try to get the game off of store shelves using the time old classic of trademark infringement but failed because the game did not infringe on their trademark rights, it merely borrowed them.
- HardcoreBB: A variant in which only mods with thousands of steps required to take are allowed to be installed; additionally, everything must be pitch perfect or else the player loses the game.
- Easy-phpBB: This is an easier, less forgiving version of the game. Players don't lose the game if they get a white screen, instead they get penalized; people are allowed to reverse their mistakes thus being able to learn from them. Hardcore players of phpBB often criticize Easy-phpBB because it wrecks the integrity and challenge of the main game; it's simple really, why take all the time to learn the game when you can play the easy version and bypass all the hard stuff?
- Easy-peazy-phpBB: An even easier version of Easy-phpBB where all you do is mash keys randomly. Players of Easy-phpBB often cricitize Eazy-peazy phpBB for wrecking the integrity of their game; even going so far as to call it a babies toy. Well it is isn't it?
Special editions[edit | edit source]
phpBB has been re-released over the years in new special edition packages that provide a different experience from the original game. Take for instance phpBB World Tour 2008; instead of mods, you have to install the world from country to country. In addition, there is also phpBB Christmas Edition which requires you to install multiple additions to the north pole to take it from flab to grand; this version sold a lot during the holiday shopping season which is a testament to the lasting power of phpBB. Critics have derided against these special editions, claiming that they do nothing but simply change the theme; however, Hasbro struck back, claiming that the themes make each phpBB special edition unique. Critics should learn to look closely at the board, that way they can truly see the differences instead of skimming shallow water.
Hasbro has also released versions which come with a built in digital module allowing players to keep track of the mods they installed in addition to allowing people to play HardcoreBB, Easy-phpBB and Easy-peazy-phpBB. This is a stunning example of how phpBB manages to stay relevant; with all of this technology, it's connecting with a massive audience who use cellphones and Facebook. People say that you don't really need the digital module to play phpBB but have you heard the things kids call it? Lame, uncool, fucking gay piece of shit; if it were an actual person than I'd imagine it'd be wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket along with high-top faded jeans, It'd be the ultimate embody of cool. It would also give it's money away because it's not a greedy motherfucker unlike what you critics are trying to portray him as.[5]