Percussion

The percussion section (also known as: bang bang clash) is the hellhole of the band. The percussion is a series of drums, drumsticks, cymbals, bells (jingaling), keyboards, pots & pans, demons, explosive devices, and the xylophone. The cymbals are a very powerful instrument, typically the US Air Force orders the cymbals as a bomb, not only does it hurt, but the sound of it hitting the ground makes the opposing side kill themselves. Typical people who play the percussion are strippers, n00bs, or both. If you are not either you probably are actually good at the instruments.

History

If you bang a skin flute against another object it becomes a percussion instrument.

It all started back in the 1200's during the Mongol rule over Russia. One day, the ruler of Russia, Luke Somsel, wanted to enslave everybody, so he asked one of his servants to make him a whip. But because his servant was so stupid, he took two pieces of wood, stuck them together and called it the whip. That is how the first percussion instrument was created. It then resumed in the 1300's during the Crimeam rule over Russia. One day, the ruler of the Crimeans, Joey vajda, wanted to make everyone his sex slaves, so he ordered his workers to make HIM a whip. But, alas, history repeats itself and they were so stupid the material they made for the whip hardened, and they were so sloppy they created a ball at the top of it, thus creating the second percussion instrument/tool, a mallet.

During World World 2, Korechica Anami, an imperial Japanese leader needed a katana because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he liked swords. He ordered his army men to make a katana so awesome and cool all the women would be like: ooohhhh anami-chan you make my heart go doki-doki. So the men worked day and night to make the coolest, sexiest, and awesomest katana. During their work they made a horrible mistake and accidentally made it triangular. Korechica Anami was furious. He sent the men back to remake his katana. The men were so angry at Korechica that they decided to do LSD. Then they resumed their work. When they presented him with a sword for a second time, it was just a skinny metal pole in the shape of a triangle and another tiny metal pole. He was so disappointed in the men that he killed himself with the metal triangle in the form of seppuku. This was the creation on the third percussion instrument, the triangle.

I guess what I'm trying to say is percussion is a fucking mistake.

The rest of the creations area all a mystery, don't look it up, this is your mostly reliable source.