Penis pumper

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This is a police composite sketch as described by Neil Patrick Harris (survivor of the "cum shot attack")

The Penis Pumper also known in France as El Pompe de Pénis. A super hero originated in 1969 the Penis Pumper attempts to help innocent victims of violent crimes but gets distracted and starts masturbating in the middle of epic battle scenes, as well as performing the final cum shot, as common in most pornographic films. As a child The Penis Pumper's father (The Todd from Scrubs) often beat him with his "wet noodle" and a common rubber hose sporadically bitch slapping him like the little twat he was. In an attempt to get back at his father in immensely strange ways, he became a penis-based super hero. Although not wanting to be embarrassed, he devoted his entire post college (University of Oregon) life to the art of penis pumping. When he felt as though he was ready, he began "helping" the innocent... with his dick and powerful balls.

The Penis Pumper & The Jedi Council[edit]

The reason there isn't a seventh Star Wars film is because The Penis Pumper accidentally killed all the Jedi... with his dick. He has since been considered the great Sith of Cum and was driven out of the Jedi Galaxy, at the dismay of every female creature in the Galaxy, Penis Pumper currently resides in the Milky Way Galaxy, formerly known as the Way Galaxy until he showed up and made it "milky".

Cum Shot Attack[edit]

The Penis Pumper is often seen driving around in his Weiner-mobile

Originally designed by Ryan Seacrest to destroy Simon Cowell, this technique was perfected by the Penis Pumper. He can currently shoot 69 cum shots a minute. Over 95 shit-ton's of victims have been accidentally killed by the "Cum Shot Attack". Only 2 people were known to have survived the Cum Shot Attack,Samuel L. Jackson and Neil Patrick Harris. This is Penis Pumpers main offensive attack.

Super Splooge Attack[edit]

More of a Defensive counter measure against his Arch-Nemisis The Vagina Sticker, this move involves Penis Pumper busting an entire nut into The Vagina Stickers center of mass (that pink wet part). This Makes The Vagina Sticker stick in place allowing Penis Pumper to Dick Slap the shit out of her.

Dick Slap[edit]

Basically a repetitive body-check, where the target loses massive amounts of HP yet their Horny Level increases greatly, if they have a vagina, it sprays liquid everywhere. This attack is super effective... against the Vagina Sticker and its devastating against the common puss.

Chronic Sweaty Balls[edit]

A condition of the peni, in which you sweat acid and your penis and balls melt.

Random Facts[edit]

  • The Penis pumper is a playable character in street fighter
  • The Penis pumper challenged Lance Armstrong to a "who has more testicles contest", The Penis pumper won by 5.
  • Superman wears Chuck Norris Pajama's, Chuck Norris wears Penis Pumper pajama's.
  • The Penis Pumper doesn't look for Waldo, Waldo looks for the Penis Pumper.