Peekaboo

The stubbornly unpleasable main demographic for Peekaboo.

Peekaboo is a game played with either infants or people who are mentally indistinguishable from infants that involves hiding the face from view and them showing it before screaming "Peekaboo". Praised by many parents for its baby distracting skills, Peekaboo eschews concepts found in other games, such as challenge, mental stimulation, or enjoyment, and replaces them with the incomprehensibly difficult act of moving your hands and saying something. Over thousands of years, the game's popularity has exponentially skyrocketed like a space shuttle attached to a calculator, and has recently found a dedicated fan base of disgruntled parents and under payed caretakers alike.

History

It was not known whether Peekius (far right) was merely a child at heart or suffering from dementia. Probably both

Invention

According to legend, a long time ago in the ancient civilization of Greece (which was known for its unusual treatment of infants), a philosopher named Peekius was thinking of ways to entertain babies. One would wonder why he would think of such a thing, but he was a philosopher, and therefore excused from being sensible. Peekius was 82 years old, and the eldest in the city, due to an unusual disease that didn't disappear despite consulting with the oracle. Seeing as he was the oldest man in the city, he was expected to be the wisest, but, instead of using his presumed wisdom on forming the foundations of western civilization like his colleagues, he made simple games to pass the time; probably to speed up his inevitable death. Then one day, he exclaimed "Eureka!". He had found a way to efficiently raise water, but since he had to baby sit Archimedes' baby nephew at the time, he used his knowledge of entertaining infants to distract the baby before forming his groundbreaking invention. Thus was born the game of Peekaboo. Sadly, Peekius's couldn't contribute his revolutionary water raising ideas to humanity, as he was murdered only two days later by a mysterious assassin; luckily, his ideas for efficiently raising water coincidentally manifested as Archimedes Screw around the same time.

The Game's Popularity Spreads

Ships like these where used to transport the game all across the world. Not pictured are the sailors playing Peekaboo to pass the time and comparing their manhoods.

The game quickly spread to nearby Rome, and then all over the Mediterranean. Any place that had infants wasn't safe from the continuing spread of the game, and many leaders tried to kill off their younger populace in an attempt to stop it; this mass spread infanticide later inspired stories of King Herod killing all male children under the age of two to stop the birth of some religious VIP. These efforts proved to be vain, and the game spread further, and after several hundred years, reached all the way to France. Even in the barren lands of Siberia, it was present, used as a tactic by Mongol invaders to distract young children while they slaughtered their parents.

Eventually, with the advent of boats that wouldn't immediately melt in waters more than twenty miles off shore, the game spread to the new world, and missionaries tried to teach the natives the game. Initially, the natives were wary of the gift, seeing as earlier gifts from other white men usually ended in Small Pox and mental anguish, but after a while, the natives were happy to receive the game, content in being able to reduce their mental anguish by quieting their infants. No word on the cure for smallpox though.

Though it would seem that Peekaboo would've been named after its creator, the etymology of the name actually stems from an act done by English troops during the Second Boer war in which a soldier would pick an enemy rebel to execute; over time, pick-a-boer became connected with Peekius' game, and was eventually renamed Peekaboo.

Peekaboo Today

The game Peekaboo is still played to this very day, but unlike its earlier incarnations, it's been degraded into a simple game to play with babies, instead of a simple game to play with babies while contemplating the reason you had a baby in the first place as it was before. Like a roach infestation mixed with a global pandemic, the game has proliferated all across the world, with many countries localizing the game to accommodate their language: Japanese people say "いないいないばあ!", Indonesians say "ciluk ba!", and Englishmen say, "peeka-come back here you little cunt!"

Game Mechanics

Due to recent technological advances in, Peekaboo can now be played on the go without the need for silly things like human interaction.

How to Play Peekaboo

Though the game has been evolving ever since it was made, the basic rules have always been the same.

• With an Adult: You find a friend. You put your hands over your face for a few seconds. Then, wait for the right time. Then quickly remove your hands, and say "Peekaboo!". Afterwards, your friend slaps you for wasting their time, and both parties involved feel miserable for the next hour.
• With a Baby: You find a baby. You put your hands over your face for a few seconds. Then, wait for the right time. Then quickly remove your hands, and say "Peekaboo!". Afterwards, the baby cries for wasting your time, and you feel miserable for the next hour while trying to find ways to keep the infant from crying that doesn't involve a bathtub, or alcohol.

Recently Added Rules of Peekaboo

The game Peekaboo has changed over the years, so some rules have been made.

1. Anyone playing peekaboo with someone who isn't a baby should be considered a social pariah for the rest of their miserable lives.
2. Any baby refusing to giggle while playing peekaboo should be considered a social pariah for the rest of their miserable lives.
3. Anyone saying "peekaboo!" without hiding their faces shall be hanged, drawn, quartered and forced to tolerate the cries of a baby for the rest of their miserable lives.

Professional Peekaboo

The concept of Professional Peekaboo has been discussed before, but the idea is mostly considered a silly novelty and everyone involved in the discussion moves on with their lives. Or gets sent to their room.

Psychological Aspect of Peekaboo

According to psychologists (who apparently have enough time on their hands to analyze a game played to stop babies from crying), peekaboo is important in measuring infant's comprehension of object permanence. Before nine months of age, babies are stupid enough to believe that anything not in their line of sight has instantly disappeared into thin air. Playing peekaboo lets you gauge whether the baby still thinks you're a magic teleporting wizard or an idiot who thinks that hiding behind your hands and screaming "Peekaboo!" is an acceptable form of entertainment.