Pagan tortillas
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Pagan tortillas were an ancient breed of corn-starch chips that believed that the best way to produce quality tortillas was to raise corn in soil that was fertilized from a variety of sources, also known as "polytillism". They formed small tribes and advocated for limited civilization and living in harmony with the elements. Sadly, their kind was hunted to near extinction throughout the 18th, 19th and 20th Centuries, as imperialistic endeavors by mono-fertilizer tortillas caused them to be displaced and killed off in large numbers, and they remain an oppressed minority to this day.
Origins[edit | edit source]
Pagan tortillas originally lived as isolated communities in the American continent, neither knowing nor caring much about the world beyond their continent. The tortillas were packaged in unassuming paper packaging that suited short-term consumption, but not mass production.
The tortillas were always grateful for the balanced environment they grew up in. While there were limitations in their yield, thanks to other weeds which limited the amount of corn that could be grown, pagan tortillas had a nuanced view of this struggle. Realizing that biodiversity was crucial to their harmony with the elements, they willingly accepted lower yields in return for this harmony.
Their polytillistic beliefs inculcated a strong sense of gratitude and care in their livelihoods, as they would often show kindness to their fellow flora and fauna, including thanking the weeds for diversifying the biomes where they lived. Modesty and humility were virtues that were exalted amongst the tortillas, while tortillas consumed by unscrupulous ambition were swiftly punished and exiled by the communities.
The Plague of Urea Supremacy[edit | edit source]
This idyllic life was not to last, however, as urea-bred tortillas from the lands of Europe invaded the Americas as part of their vile expansionist efforts. These tortillas believed, without merit, that being grown on urea-fertilized soil made them a superior breed, or race, compared to tortillas grown on naturally fertilized soil. These urea supremacists did not even consider pagan tortillas as equals, and thus had no qualms about subjugating them to horrific atrocities, disease, and exploitation.
Furthermore, these vile urea-bred tortillas deliberately engineered divisions among the pagan tortillas, propping up the corrupt among them to ensure the pagans could be divided and conquered. The pagan tortillas were branded as savages, and systematically exterminated as part of a racist genocide.
As a final insult, the urea supremacists legitimized their "Manifest Destiny" by successfully colonizing the Americas upon falsely stated ideals of unity, while secretly perpetuating the same abhorrent practices of urea supremacy such as producing monocultured corn, destroying natural habitats to ensure urea remained the only viable fertilizer, and even enslaving pagan tortillas in their abhorrent plantations.
Pagan Tortilla Reservations[edit | edit source]
Today, the marginalized pagan tortillas are confined to urea supremacist-sanctioned "reservations", where they are isolated from the rest of our racist society. Urea supremacy has been legitimized in national holidays such as "Cornsgiving", where the genocide of pagan tortillas is urea-washed as a heartwarming tale of differing corn-breeds sharing in their bounty. All the while, the capitalist profiteers continue to perpetuate urea supremacy while paying lip service to the plight of the pagan tortillas they so ruthlessly exploit.
Pagan tortillas who understand their sordid history are well aware that the urea-bred tortillas are beyond redemption and need to be overthrown. Tragically, their voices have been drowned out in the name of "assimilation" and "letting bygones be bygones", and hence this nation shall face a slow, painful decay as urea supremacist tortillas bleed us all dry.