Oog
Hello. Me Oog.
This article about me. Me am caveman, but me think that pretty obvious. But me think you want know more about Oog, so me think you read on and learn.
Early Life[edit | edit source]
Oog born many eon ago, during time of caveman which me be from, back in 10,000,000,000 B.C. or so. Me can't remember exactly, but it long before Oog spine straighten, frontal lobes develop, comprehend rational thought, and master english language. Anyways. Oog born into family of fellow cavemen and cavewomen who live in, of course, big dark smelly cave, were me raised lovingly and me have tender childhood. Oog lose family at age 13 on birthday, when Oog's family eaten by dinosaurs. Oog hate dinosaurs for eating family, ME GET REVENGE AND KILL THEM! BASH BRAINS IN, RAAAAAAR!!!
...ha ha, me sorry. Oog get riled up when me think of dinosaurs.
The Magic Ball[edit | edit source]
One day while me eating latest meal that me hunt savagely, me hear big thump and me find a magic metal ball that appear out of nowhere. Of course, me, being big stupid caveman at time, think magic ball is egg and me think "Alright! Free egg!" So me take thigh bone me use as weapon and beat magic ball to break it and it do no good. Suddenly, magic ball shoot Oog with ray of light and next thing me know, me feel inspired and me go out and invent a wheel out of dinosaur brain. It roll a few inches, and me get hungry, so me eat it. Point is, me get smarter.
Soon, me doing other things that astound other cavemen. Me start walking upright, which do wonders for back, it always hurt all time when me walked hunched over. Then me start feathering back me hair into wings for style, impressing women cavemen. Then me start stopping to use bathroom instead of doing it as me walk. Me become genius.
When me go back to ball, me ask it question, and then it start spinning. Next thing me know, me propelled into modern world. Me was scared, Oog never been in such strange place before. Me was attacked by small dog, me crush it. Me hate small dogs, THEY ANNOYING! OOG CRUSH THEM, AAAAARGH!!!
...oops. Me get crazy again, me apologize.
At least me no find dinosaurs there, it good thing they go extinct. Oog badly traumatized by big lizards, me no like them, nor like eating brains of dinosaurs, you know.
Climb to Fame[edit | edit source]
After Oog get adjusted to modern world, me go out and get great education. But first, me make money. Me figure out that me set up small business, and thus me get popular as me make famous hamburgers. Me not tell people what in them, me keep secret. Once me make enough money, Oog go out and get education me spoke of earlier. Me get degree with intelligence and become good businessman, so me afford underwear and disregard loincloth cause it make Oog look like savage. Oog is civilized person now.
Oog then figure out where magic ball come from: New Jersey. So me go there and find house and find it occupied by white milkshake, red fryman and brown meat lump. Red fryman said magic ball his, but me know it belong to me cause me found it first, even though he said he invent it. He want Oog to die, but Oog convince him otherwise to give me kick-ass fighting games with action missiles. Oog sometimes get bored easy. Me hate being bored. Me bored now. Bored. BORED! BOREEEED!! BORRRREEEEED!!!
...Oog calm now, me sorry.
Me soon leave place, cause me tell them magic ball mine. They not try take it back, so me assume they accept fact and let Oog have it after me threaten with force. Me glad, me would be lost without magic ball.
Me advertise magic ball then to make money cause me spent most of it on bus fare and taxi rides. Also Taco Bell. Oog love their menu.
Currently[edit | edit source]
Oog is owner of small business in Florida, where me make big bucks making magic things that help people work like mine, only less magic. But that okay, they accept it. Oog doing well for himself, and me thinking of retire someday in future. But then, me wonder what me do when me get bored again. Sometimes, Oog is bothered by annoying salesmen wanting buy magic ball. I hate salesmen, SALESMEN MUST DIE, MAGIC BALL MINE!! OOG KILL SALESMEN!! RIP HEAD OFF!! RAAAAAAARGH!!!
Oops, ha ha. Oog sorry, me must not have had smokes for some time, me get crazy when me no have them for too long. Me try to quit, but me find it hard. Taste refreshing. Me light one up now..... FIRE!! AAAAAAGH, FIRRRREEEEEEE!!!