Lucid dreaming

Im dreaming!

Lucid dreaming is a completely made up concept invented to sell courses to the gullible. Supposedly, it is a state of dreaming when you are “aware” you are in a dream. On websites like YouTube and Reddit, people like to overhype the subject and try to “teach you” how to lucid dream but they really just want you to buy their course. There are claims that lucid dreaming is real, but they are all false and are as meaningful as British people using seasoning on food.

Definition

According to many accounts, these 2 requirements need to be met in order to have a lucid dream;

1. Dream Orientation Awareness of the fact that you're currently trapped in a never-ending cycle of subconscious thoughts with the hopes of being in a dream.

2. Decision-Making Abilities The capacity to make choices that will have no impact on your waking life.

However, this is not true because according to experts your prefrontal cortex shuts down in a dream. If you don’t know what that means, lucid dreaming is basically and real as Jesus.

History

According to people on the internet, a made-up character called “Steven Laberge”. Presumably, after kidnapping people and studying them while sleeping. While studying them (without consent) he discovered a form of sleep called Rapid eye movement (REM) where lucid dreaming occurs. This is of course nonsense and is a made-up story to sell people on the idea that lucid dreaming is real.

Methods of induction

According to 10 year olds on the internet, these are the best lucid dreaming techniques;

1. Reality Checks Through out the day, (force yourself) to try things like pinching your nose and trying to breathe or trying to read words. If you’re a dyslexic person and can’t read to begin with, then try shoving your finger through your hand.

2. Dream Journaling (technique) Keep a note book or your phone by bed and write down every detail of your dreams. This will “supposedly” train your brain to remember dreams by repetition. This technique makes no sense whatsoever because how does remembering your dreams even help you lucid dream?

3. Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dream (MILD) Before falling asleep, repeat to yourself, “Tonight I will lucid dream until it’s permanently scared into your brain. This technique is useless and doesn’t work because in your dreams tonight never comes.

4. Finger Induced Lucid Dream (FILD) Set an alarm for six to seven hours to purposely interrupt your sleep. Once you wake up, ensure you can’t go back to sleep by staying up for 10 minutes. After the 10 minutes is up, proceed to lay back in bed and move your fingers as if you were playing the piano. Of course you are too dumb to play the piano so just move your fingers up and down. This technique is excellent because it makes sure you lose sleep and increases your chances of having sleep paralysis!

5. WBTB (Wake Back To Bed) WBTB is the hardest technique out there so be prepared. As usual, set an alarm for 2:00 am. After waking up, stay up for exactly 30 minutes and don’t move. After 30 minutes is up, go back to sleep and wonder what the hell this even does.

6. (Stupid) Senses Initiated lucid Dream (SSILD) If you are wondering why this technique is called SSILD and not SILD, it's because the acronym SILD was already taken. The extra "S" is rumoured to stand for "super" but it really stands for "stupid" because this technique is very infective. Set an alarm for 5:00 am and stay up for 5 minutes. Then go back to bed in a different position then you normally sleep in to ensure you don't have an easy time falling asleep. Then observe, sight, touch, and audio for 5 minutes. This technique is very bad because what is there to see when your eyes are closed.

7. Drugs Go on Amazon or something and search up, “1000% success rate lucid dreaming pills” then order some. These will definitely work 1,000,000% of the time and I’m sure they don’t cause cancer or make you develop some unknown disease. Scientists say these have never been tested and are illegal in 37 countries but it sounds like they want to keep all the pills for themselves.

Skill mastery

According to the so-called experts on Facebook, these are the skill levels of lucid dreaming.

Beginner

Congratulations! You’ve just discovered the overhyped world of lucid dreaming and are not afraid to get sleep paralysis. You might become lucid for a few milliseconds without drugs but the alarm clock always wakes you up. You’re as good as selling snow to Eskimos.

Experienced

Now you can finally control your dreams! Your dream recall has increased and you’re off the drugs. You’ll eventually get there after weeks of sleep loss and withdrawal symptoms from the drugs.

Proficient

You are now an expert at lucid dreaming and can finally really control your dreams. Now you can have dream included lucid dreams and just can’t stop lucid dreaming.

See also

• Astral plane
• dream