List of Lies

BEFORE READING THIS ARTICLE: ALL OF THE THINGS HERE MAY SEEM LIKE AN INTERESTING REAL STORY, BUT THEY ARE ALL FICTION, MADE BY A VERY VIVID IMAGINATION (namely, me). THE ARCHIVED PHOTO IS FICTIONALLY MADE. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS STORY SERIOUSLY.

The List of Lies (which could be abbreviated as LOL but that would be confusing) is one of the longest lists in North America, created in Canada, with more than 90,000,000 lies. The lies are often about things that don't have any significant consequence, such as "If X doesn't/does make/take/break/back/scare you/he/she Y,then you/he/she Z". The 4,293,102nd lie of the List of Lies is "If the word "german" doesn't make you horny, then you are impotent."; which, strangely enough, could have some legitimate veracity.

Content and extent

Most of the entries composing the List of Lies are about eggs and sometimes about the lie numbers; but anyways, those are majorly avoidable, because there are hundreds of thousands more that are not specifically related to eggs. However, eggs are a pivotal talking-point in all known lies.

The potential number of lies in The List of Lies is thought to be infinite, because every lie potentially leads to further and more elaborate lies (around 31.735 new lies are being discovered by mathematicians on a weekly basis). However, we all know that the 1st Lie in the BEHEMOTH LIST is actually a generic, uninspired one: "You're not reading this.".

First page of the List of Lies, archived in 1993. You can see some of the Old English in the first page, even in the title (back then, it was called "Thy list off Liez").

Origins

The list is believed to have appeared in 371 AD during a closed-door marathon session held deep in the air-raid shelter of the Monastery of Frankfurt, because most of the lies aren't even about today's electronics or fads. The list has continually expanded as if by magic right up to this day. The latest lie, the 99,820,902nd one, was uncovered in an excavated thumbdrive on December 4th, 2019.

Snippets from "List Of Lies"

• 1: You're not reading this.
• 32: You generously avoided eggs.
• 69: You didn't thought of it,especially the eggs.
• 721: Eggs scare you.
• 911: Hoping that the lie number doesn't get implied into some attack.
• 53,218: You get angry if someone calls you "you".
• 61,928: A quad-centurial period,most likely exists.
• 192,817: Eggs are watching you.
• 527,812: This is not a pun,which is eggcelent.
• 1,000,000: You're not surprised by the lie number.
• 2,739,182: There is no such thing as this list.
• 4,293,102: If the word "german" doesn't make you horny, then you are impotent.
• 8,192,722: Eggs are not inanimate.
• 8,192,783: Hardboiled eggs taste good.
• 17,981,720: The last number of the lie number is not an even number.
• 99,820,902 (latest lie found, as of December 4th, 2019): The Christmas Tree is not made around Christmas.

Theories about the List of Lies

One of the best known theories about the List of Lies is that it contains a secret message made by adding up all the numbers, which leads to an encrypted numeric-alphabetic sequence. Scientists once tried to solve it, and between 8,198,173 and 8,198,321 they found the message "NOW WOW ARE NOW WOW IS THE NOW", which kind of makes this theory more plausible.

Another theory says that the last ever lie into the technically infinite list is just "Unbelievable" and that the number of it is 618,182,018,153, because when scientists added it all up, they found this "Unbelievable" thing coorelates to a theoretical and previously undiscovered "618,182,018,153rd lie". But we will need to wait some more millenniums or even hundred-thousand-pair millennium periods until we find this believed pivotal "last lie".

Yet another theory says that using the letter-number cipher, they may have found an early version of ROT13, because in the 29,812,199th lie, the lie is actually rendered "Lbh unira'g znantrq gb qrpelcg guvf.".