Left-handed People

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Take my left-hand in yours, and we shall see the world. You have to walk backwards though.

Left-handeders, or lefties as the radicals refer to themselves, are people who wank with their left hand instead of their right hand, like most people. It is agreed nowadays that most cases of Left-Handedness are made up by ordinary people to feel special.


Scientists all agree that left-handedness arose when God decided to bless 10% of the human population, just so that the lefties could supposedly come to the aid of the dimwitted right handed majority, who were fighting amongst themselves. Left handers are still better though

War Begins

Unfortuately all had not gone as chicken had intended, as the lefties were hated by the warring right-handed majority. The hatred of the right-handeders meant that the minority of left handers could not take their 'rightful' (or is it leftful?) place as the leaders of the free world so that they could bring peace and harmony to the world. The majority right handers waged a treacherous war against the left handers and eventually won by deceit and brutality until a clever right-handed princess took pity upon a left-handed handicapped and married him. They later had a child who went by the name of Ambidexter, who later tried to bring peace to the world.

Ambidexter Brings Peace

Because Ambidexter was descended from both right and left-handed people, he was ambidextrous. For all of you right handed idiots who don't know, this means that he was basically the Chuck Norris of hand dominance. Amidexter tried to bring the right handed people together with the left and give life to a group of ambidextrous children, unfortunately the right handed people continued to be jealous of the left handed and the peace loving left handers were unwilling to confront them led to more jealousy.

Christians were right handed idiots

The right handed population being the majority took the world over eventually by sheer force bringing discrimination to all of the superior left handers. After their supression the right handed decided that they would form a religious cult of Christians, using the creativy of their left handed prisoners who were forced to write a book called the Bible and had to read it to the illiterate right handed.

The right handed popuation attempted to permantly remove lefthandedism from the world by punishing and discriminating against children who showed signs of being left handed, luckily their plan did not work completely and the left handed survived and continue to live amongst the inferior right handed majority.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Left-handed People.

Today lefties continue to laugh at the foolish right handers, who continue to blindly follow the Bible today, knowing full well that their clever ancestors had written it. The right handed people who read this information will attempt to forget it or fool themselves into disbelief due to their ignorance and blind faith. Please also note there are a good number of religious nuts like Pat Robertson who are left handed, but most left handed people refuse to believe it.

Famous Lefties

Many genius's of superior intelligence and skill were amongst us including Sun Zi(Sun zi's art of war),Jimi Hendrix, Freddie Mercury, Paul McCartney, Kurt Cobain ,Bill Clinton, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, David Bowie, Benjamin Franklin, Lefty Grove, Picasso, Oprah, Michelangelo Buonarroti, Bart Simpson, Snap Crackle and Pop, Count Chocula, Freddie Kruger, Lucky, Alien, Predator, Superman, The Trix Rabbit, Red Forman, Ned Flanders, Leonardo da Vinci and Pele. Lefties are very good at baseball (see Lefty Grove, above). The term 'southpaw' comes from lefty ball players throwing incredibly difficult curve-balls across the south pole (which is where the real world series takes place - the other one is just for the 'special' righties, so they'll think they're actually good at something).

Left-handed People Today

Most lefties live among us, almost never being discovered, except for a few telltail characteristics of intelligence at stuff like art, math, and multitasking. Because of their fantastic skills, righties feel threatened and try to fool themselves into believing they are smarter. Don’t worry. According to tests, lefties have a better chance of being of higher intelligence with 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh computer being left-handed and 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts being left-handed - 250% more than the normal level. Left-handed people are always in their right mind.

Purist Lefties

Despite the harsh—I mean DIPLOMATIC efforts Ambidexter took to interbreed humanity there is a cult of purist lefties called the Autists. Although persecuting right-handers dissolved the group long ago, a group of them has reformed the group, which is now called Autistic Culture.

The primary aim of this group is to make the world a better a place to live in.It strive to bring peace,wisdom and harmony to the world and educate the dim-witted right handers.