Latte
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“Open latte”
“Thanks a latte”
“Here's your EjacuLatte”
Latte from the Greek λάττε meaning 'drink of the chotch'. It is an extremely delicious drink, and is best served with a biscotti, while laughing at the poor. Oi its the Englishmen mate.
History[edit | edit source]
Founded in the mid-19th century as another way to mark oneself as a true gentleman, and bon vivant. Lattes were commonly known as 'regular,' 'hot,' or 'full body;' and were sold at a Starbucks gentlemen's coffeeshop.
Latte[edit | edit source]
Ingredients[edit | edit source]
A latte is made from:
- One part Espresso
- One part sunshine
- One part disposable income
- capitalist exploitation
- Regular Breast Milk
- Fermented Breast Milk (optional)
- Steamed Milk (optional)
- The eaten half of a McDonald's Cheeseburger (optional)
- crushed hopes and dreams of 3rd class nations
- a chotch (optional)
- a fresh umbilical cord (optional)
(Sugar may also be used.)
Occasionally, some people add chocolate, or other cruel and bizarre flavorings to their latte. These people don't deserve to live, and should be socially segregated and/or murdered. Or have their chotch removed.
Serving[edit | edit source]
Ideally, the latte should be served in the skull of your enemies, but accounting for the modern trend and general impracticality of using skulls as cups you may use a selection from IKEA. Same difference.
Lattes may be put in epipens and injected into thumbs for maximum latte pleasure.
Food[edit | edit source]
Biscotti is the first choice, however after mating a bran muffin will suffice.
Culture[edit | edit source]
Lattes are part of a rich and interesting culture. Make sure the rest of the people in the coffee shop are aware of this when you order. When ordering a latte is is best to use an Italian phrases, even if they don't make sense. This will make you seem very erudite.
Chai lattes are only for clinically ill hippies.
How to Drink[edit | edit source]
Place to mouth. Open mouth. Drink. Self-indulgent laughter. Clean up any premature ejaculant.
Side Effects[edit | edit source]
- Bankruptcy
- Sterility
- Hyperactivity
- Being a douchebag