Kyubey

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I'm aware this article already has a wip tag on it, but the creator of this article should know that it's incredibly nonsensical and I doubt even fans of whatever anime this character is from would get the jokes this article has (also the hell does this have to do with Flowey?)

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Truth is funnier than outright Lies or Plain Nonsense:

Coherence is like a horse, and funny is like a cart. For your article to go places, the coherence must come first. Otherwise, you just get a cart with a horse stuck in the back. That cart, while sometimes amusing, isn't really going anywhere.

If you need help, try asking someone for suggestions, or read this.

“Would you like to make a contract? I have a 50% off coupon for your soul.”

– Kyubey on while trying to sell a used 2004 Honda Civic.

“He's basically me, but with more fur and less photosynthesis.”

– Flowey on on his cousin from another dimension.

"That's no ordinary ferret! That's the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! It's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer! It's got huge sharp... it can leap about... look at the bones!"

Kyubey (Scientific name: Contractus Souleaterus), also known as the Incubator, the White Devil, or That Annoying Cat-Thing That Won't Die, is an extraterrestrial marketing executive and professional soul-broker from a galaxy where empathy was never patched in during the 1.0 release.

This little bastard looks like a plush toy but sounds like a terms and conditions pamphlet, HE TRICKED A 14-YEAR-OLD INTO BECOMING A FURBY COFFEE FILTER.

Biology

Kyubey is a hybrid creature consisting of 10% cat, 10% rabbit, and 80% concentrated malevolence. Unlike normal cats (see: Cat), Kyubey does not purr, eat tuna, or knock glasses off tables. Instead, he consumes his own corpses to save on funeral costs and recycling fees.

If you hit him, then he will burst into a myriad of dark colored rainbow lights and stars.

He also says "Fuuuuck..that felt good~...I need to do that again...I can't get enough of it~" after turning a 14-year old into a Furby Coffee Filter.

Comparison to Flowey

Scientists at the Un-University of Nowhere have long debated whether Kyubey and Flowey the Flower are the same entity. The evidence is staggering:

• Both are small, "cute," and inhabit the "Tutorial" phase of your life.
• Both offer "gifts" (Wishes vs. Friendliness Pellets).
• Both have the emotional depth of a teaspoon of salt.
• The Difference: If you kill Flowey, he stays dead until a Reset. If you kill Kyubey, he just pulls a second body out of his back pocket and asks if you're done yet.

The Contract (The Fine Print)

Kyubey’s primary job is to find teenage girls who are having a slightly bad Tuesday and offer them a miracle. However, the contract (which is 14,000 pages long and written in invisible ink) includes several minor side effects:

1. Your soul is removed and placed in a shiny egg that looks like a cheap toy from a vending machine.
2. You must fight "Witches" (which are actually just you on a bad hair day).
3. If the egg gets dirty, you turn into a building-sized monster and destroy Tokyo.

Kyubey’s Resume

Before appearing in Madoka Magica, Kyubey held several high-level positions:

• CEO of Comcast: 1995–2005.
• Lead Designer of the Blue Screen of Death: 1985.
• Internal Revenue Service (IRS) Mascot: Ongoing.
• Personal Stylist for Rinny: He reportedly advised her that "pink fur hides the stains better."

See Also

• Evil
• Ponzi Scheme
• Vegetables (specifically Flowey)
• Pretty Blood - His internship program for Malinos.