Kitty Store
“In Soviet Russia, pencil writes YOU!”
“We got love in store”
The Kitty Store is an international chain of stores specialising in products that have no discernible purpose. They have denied this on numerous occasions, however, and persist in claiming that they "sell all the things you always wanted". Users of their products have sometimes tried to sue them, but they were always reminded that they had agreed to sign a waiver saying that the Kitty Store would not be held liable for any disadvantages suffered by its customers. The waiver was always written on invisible paper. This made it hard for anyone to see it.
Lately the Kitty Store's business has been declining due to the uselessness of their products. Their advert campaigns don't seem to fix this. Nobody knows why.
Kitty Store products[edit | edit source]
Shpencil[edit | edit source]
The Shpencil is a pencil with a Shticky on it where the eraser would be. The claimed advantage is that it is a pencil and a Shticky all in one. However, apparently most people find a toothbrush with a screwdriver on it far more useful than the relatively unloved Shpencil, which is why the Kitty stores have been losing out to their competition the Doggie stores (which make toothbrushes with screwdrivers on them). The doggie stores, in turn, have been losing out to a company that makes automated nappy changers for sheep.
Nerf cars[edit | edit source]
Nerf cars, as the name might suggest, are cars made entirely of nerf. This renders them completely undrivable. Adverts for nerf cars always tout how incredibly safe they are, but if you read the fine print you will see that there is only one small disadvantage. The Kitty Store faced public outcry in 1701 over not stating this explicitly in their advertisements. Now they always state up front that nerf cars are so safe because they cannot be driven, claiming that all car accidents are caused by the vast majority of cars being drivable. This, however, has not succeeded in bringing their sales back up.
Braid chips[edit | edit source]
Braid chips are a kind of chip made out of braided hair. They are largely devoid of nutritional content and were formerly advertised as a good source of protein before it was discovered that the health 'benefits' are largely not beneficial. Now the surplus of hair donated to the Kitty Store's hair collection fund is used for making wigs and extensions. The rest of it sits around in front of computers editing wikis and being generally useless.