International Date Line (dating line)

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The International Date Line is a telephone service for lonely individuals who wish to reduce their habitual loneliness to a manageable extent. It is also an imaginary dividing line on the surface of the Earth, located generally along the 180th degree of longitude, a dividing line between yesterday and today, and between today and tomorrow. Thus, loneliness doesn't really exist but is something that's just in your mind.

• When crossing the Line, travelling from East to West, you add 24 hours, except on Thursdays or if you have eaten garlic.
• When crossing the Line, travelling from West to East, you subtract 24 hours.
• When achieving the sudden (but, alas, temporary) reduction in loneliness anticipated after using the Line, one does not actually care whether it is today or yesterday.

Crossing the Line repeatedly by circumnavigation in a spacecraft or supersonic airplane is a method of time travel into the future, or into the past.

Another feature of the Line is that time does not flow when one is physically on the Line: Inhabitants of the isolated oceanic islands that straddle the Line do not age.

Terms

The submarine cable for the Line got laid in an attempt to improve communication, which precipitates your ability to get laid and is not free. Standard charges apply; depending on location, the typical cost is $3.95 for the first minute and 55 cents for each additional minute. The International Date Line, however, is charged at a higher rate for mobile phones.

The best thing about the International Date Line is that there's no obligation. It's safe, and it's fun, so call now!