Industria

Industria Industria-with-teh_awesome Mighty post-Industrialist Nation of Industria
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Our relative population bar graphs show how industrialized we are. Also, we have nukes."
Anthem: "Industria is the Shit"
Capital	Wayne's basement
Largest city	North Caldwell
Official language(s)	English
Government	Psychotic nuclear threat
Grand Vizier	Wayne
National Hero(es)	Gwayne, father of Thrain, father of Dwayne, King Under the Mountain
Declaration  of Independence	456 BC from Ancient Macedon
Currency	150mm depleted plutonium tank shells
Religion	Wayneism
Population	All of them
Major exports	Radiation, Awesome
Major imports	Nukes, Battleships

Industria is a small country hidden on a mysterious island somewhere on the seven seas. It borders Slovelosk and Something-or-Other. It is notable for its striking Average Fertility by Age curve and its tremendous nuclear weapons stockpile. Industria is ruled with an iron fist by Grand Vizier Wayne, son of Dwayne, King Under the Mountain. Industria is on its way to becoming a post-industrial society... with nukes.

Industria's War of Independence

The War Begins

Industria, which had been an Ancient Macedonian satellite ("bitch") state since humans learned to put seeds in dirt, seceded on October 8, 456 BC. Abruptly, as Agememwayne II, King Under the Mountain, was having dinner in his mead-hall with the other Wayneites, the line surrounding Industria in the Industrian Atlas of the World changed from a black dotted line (symbolizing a bitch state) to a solid and ominous red line of self-governing awesomeness. Ancient Macedon, seeing the threat to its own dotted line, responded by declaring war.

March to the Sea

Industria at this time was not the nearly-post-industrial nationstate it is today, and it wasn't even an industrial state. It was what hoidy-toidy political science majors call a crap state, and its life expectancy demographics bar kinda spread out along the "Ages 0-12" mark. Industria didn't have nukes or cars or planes yet. The Industrians hadn't even discovered the stick yet. The local chimpanzee population always had better SAT scores. So when Ancient Macedon sent its jet fighters piloted by T-Rexes, Industria was in what Agememwayne II, King Under the Mountain, called "deep shit."

In spite of these grim times, the great military mind Admiral Kyvin (not to be confused with the present-day Lord High Air Marshall Kevin... They're completely different people) proposed a daring march to the sea. The march to the sea was so cunning and legit that Ancient Macedon had no choice but to recalled the jet fighters piloted by T-Rexes.

Industria's march to the sea is celebrated now by Jet Fighters Piloted by T-Rexes Parades, and all the little Industrian kids eat popsicles shaped like jet fighters piloted by T-Rexes, with these big white gumballs for eyes. They're actually pretty yummy. Just throwing that out there.

But the war wasn't over!

Actually, the war still isn't over, really. Ancient Macedon never actually made a peace treaty or acknowledged Industria's right to self-autonomy. But those Roman guys conquered Ancient Macedon a while back so what the hell, it was an Industrian victory. Huzzah!

Wayne's Dynasty

Historians call it "Wayne's Dynasty" because Wayne told them to. And if Wayne says it, then you do it.

Gwayne I, King Under the Mountain: End of an Era but Also the Beginning of Another Era

Agememwayne II established a dynasty that lasted for-freakin'-ever, and like most dynasties that have been around for approximately that long and have intermarried with neighboring dynasties and their siblings so they can't even think of names more creative than adding yet another Roman numeral, the First Dynasty of Industria got completely pwned. Agememwayne MMXI, then only a youngling, turned in his demographics charts to his teacher only to find out that the school bully, Gwayne, had even better charts. By slightly tweaking the chart so only one in every four infants died of diahrea, Gwayne effectively ended Industria's pre-industrialized days. Between that and a sex scandal involving Agememwayne MMXI, his older sister, his baby sister, and Agememwayne's anthropomorphic tumor, the old regime didn't stand a chance in hell. Triumphant, Gwayne declared himself King Under the Mountain and prepared for the inevitable: industrialization, improved urban sanitation, and an overall decline of substinence farming.

Sweeping legislation

Gwayne began the policy of "A factory for every family, a nuke for every child." He improved the crude birth rate statistics and various "literacy percentage by age" brackets. He also installed a cabinet of six green muppets to advise him. Whenever Gwayne announced, "I'm not afraid," the six green muppets would shake their heads and say, "You will be... You will be..." and then there would be a fade-out to a scene involving Industria's enemies, which Gwayne would cleverly use to spy on them. Dwayne disbanded this cabinet soon after taking power.

Thrain I, King Under the Mountain: The Continuing of the Era That Began Before

Thrain I became king when he was five years old because Gwayne died of at least five diseases that would've been easily preventable if Industria had post-industrial medical infrastructure. Which it didn't and still doesn't, but hey, they're working on it. Thrain I was also really short, maybe because of malnutrition, and being short has to be the crappiest part of malnutrition because you can't play basketball and all the cool kids play basketball. So Thrain I didn't play basketball, and when everyone would make fun of him, he'd just cry. What a wimp. But he got through it, and married and even had a kid, so go figure.

Dwayne I, King Under the Mountain: God Among Men

Dwayne I was badass by all accounts. He fixed up Industria's demographics so that it was clearly on the bell curve towards a post-industrial society. Then, he sat back and just chilled out. And he chilled out SO much that he just forgot to do stuff. Y'know, like he wanted to get them, and he really meant it, but you know how it is. Right? Yeah, you know it. But one big thing he just, y'know, didn't get to for whatever reason was he didn't name his successor. So he got Wayne.

Grand Vizier Wayne: The Current Admin

Wayne is one of the most horrible people ever. Everyone knows it. I know it. You know it. Wayne knows it. Wayne holds parades for how horrible he is, right after the parades for the jet fighters piloted by T-Rexes. And if you don't go to the parades, Wayne personally shoots you in the face. That's how horrible he is. I'd put that right up there with his "No chocolate ice cream--Never! Freakin' NEVER!" policy.

Wayne's Number Two man is the Lord High Air Marshall Kevin, a psychotic military genius with a penchant towards instigating nuclear apocalypses.

Industrian Military

Industria's military is composed almost entirely of ICBMs and battleships, since they're the coolest. Some of Industria's more notable battleships, such as the HMIS Legit and the HMIS Quality, fought in the Great Spice Wars.

Industria also possesses an air force, consisting of a squadron of Black Hawk helicopters armed with Laser-Guided Polar Bears and two wings of F-15 fighters flown by elite T-Rex pilots. Lord High Air Marshall Kevin is known to personally lead his forces into battle in a massive armored zeppelin.

Most of Industria's ground forces are made up of massive untrained mobs hastily drafted from young adult age brackets, usually armed with rocks, sticks, and ICBMs.

Industria periodically goes to war with its neighbors, Slovelosk and Something-or-Other, mostly recently in October 2007. As of now, neither rival nation has navy ships bigger than paddleboats and no mammals bigger than the two-headed rat mutants.

Famous Industrians

Here's just a few of them:

• Wayne
• Dwayne
• Thrain
• Morgan Freeman
• Gwayne
• Agememwayne
• Denica Fairman
• Your AP Environmental teacher
• General Trarchbakintine
• Norman Bourlag

Oh, and Gordon Freeman went to Industria once, and that is just cool as hell.