HowTo:Turn Your Life Into an RPG
School got you down again? Bully take your lunch money AND rip a hole in your undies? Maybe it's time for a change of pace! Turn your life into an exciting RPG like the ones you play in your mother's basement.
Step One: Equip Thyself[edit | edit source]
The first step is to transform yourself into an RPG hero. No one is going to believe you live in an RPG if you don't act like you are!!
Some things you need to be doing:
- Being around 16 years old
- Having ridiculously spiky hair (if you can't gouge someones eye out with it, it ain't spiky enough!)
- Having a large weapon (as in, like, you need a car to tote it around)
- Having other nerds-rather, party members- follow your every step exactly. You guys should loook like a train. Choo-Choo!
- Having an Arch-Enemy AKA the bad guy. The bully would be great for this, wouldn't he? He wedgied you before but now you're a Lv.2 Warrior!
- Buying insurance. You will most likely be defeated several times (by cars, poles, your arch-nemesis, the police) so make sure your story doesn't end there!
Next find a weapon as the forces of evil will not simply bow down to your awesomeness. You need to make them want it so grab a stick, sword, nunchucks, gun, bow or small barn animal and get ready to do some damage!!
Also, talk to unimportant people that won't have much effect on your story as if they are very stupid. This is perfectly all right; they're just lowly NPCs, anway. These may include Police Officers, annoying friends, and librarians.
Step Two: Find thy enemy![edit | edit source]
After adorning the proper super hero outfit, finding a decent weapon, and talking down to people like they're NPCs, you're ready to start your adventure!!
First, you need to have a quest! Something like finding the 7 Crystals or defeating the evil dragon. After that, your goal is in sight!
We'll have the steps on how to confront said terrible beastie further down the pipe, but first, some advice on making your way to it.
[edit | edit source]
(If your enemy has Lv.??, you may want to run.)
Do this by pressing R2 and L2 (Left and right leg. I don't know what the 2 stands for) You will probably be a weak-ass fool at first so running will be your only option when provoking an enemy (Angry policeman, angry dog, angry beehive, angry old lady, your sister)
Step Four: Saveth Someone... eth[edit | edit source]
Save a princess. Because you are probably a geek, getting near a hot, blonde chick might be hard. The alternative would be to pretend your sister is your girlfriend and save her. A cousin , feminine friend or sock with a smiley face should suffice as well.
Step Five: Claim Thy Rewardes[edit | edit source]
Nouwe that youu've rescued the princess our outher assouciated houttie, it's time tou get what youu deserve: a big, fat wet oune!! (Or moure!) There are soume circumstances where this may nout wourke. Did I mentioune I'm British?