HowTo:Pronounce §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ

If you've been alive for at least twenty minutes, you've probably heard the word §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ. And if you're at all stupid, you've probably asked yourself "how the heck do you pronounce that?" Many have tried to find the secret behind uttering this incoherant jarble. Only one actual letter is believed to be in this alphabet soup for Scrabble players, and even that letter, the "ǚ", has so much on top it that it would make any hooker jealous. But there is a method behind the madness, and here I am to sell it to you!

How to pronounce it the cheap way

If you feel like sounding like a retard, and not sending me $49.99, then you can just say "Sir Squiggle". This is what he is called in the forums because no one can remember the superscript for any of the characters in his name. It is rumored that saying "squiggle" over and over again will make him believe it is his name and he will forget how to log in.

How to not sound like a retard and pronounce it the HARDCORE way

The best way to go about this is to take it step by step, just like in first grade when the teachers taught you how to read in exchange for you not telling the police about your "private studies". Follow my syllable-by-syllable instructions and you'll be on your way to saying §ǚρωξλ£μĦΦφ≈€ƏξßÐÆØΞ in no thyme!*

Syllable 1

§ǚρ -- This one is easy enough. Just say it how it looks. "Sup", as in "What's up", or "what is up", or "what is it that happens to be up". This is the simplest part of the name, so don't get cocky just because you can say this.

Syllable 2

ωξλ£ -- This translates into "wehl", maybe. It could also be "wekl", which makes no sense. I'm going with "wehl". Put it together so far: Sup-wehl- and you're on your way! It only gets harder after this one, so keep your barf bags handy. You're about to eugurgitate the most difficult syllable of all,

Syllable 3

μ -- Say "you". This thing kinda looks like a U. I dunno.

Syllable 4

ĦΦφ -- Use your imagionation on this one. This one can be whatever you want it to be. My favorites are "hop", "how", and "michaelmooreydinijad". But those last two letters could really be anything. But this one is really up to you. Make a judgement call, pussy.

What the hell is this?

≈ appears to be the only letter here with boogie woogie fever.

≈ -- Seriously, what the hell is this? Is he even TRYING to make this look like a letter? For crying out loud, this is the most pathetic excuse for a letter I've ever seen. Like, if letters became outlawed for some reason, and he tried sneaking this across the border, he would have NO PROBLEM. It's like mixing kool-aid in with pot. They're just not the same. Skip this thing, let's move on.

Syllable 6

€ -- Okay, this is looking a little more doable. Pronounce this one like a long E.

Syllable 7

Ə -- This one is trickier. It looks like an upside down e, but you actually pronounce this one like a right-side up capital one.

Syllable 8

ξ -- What's that on the bottom of that E? Some kinda squiggly? Maybe that's where the nickname comes from. Disregard it and call this one a long E sound.

Syllable 9

ß --even though this looks like a B, it is pronounced like an S in German, but say it as a B if you want to. No-one will understand what you're saying anyway.

Syllable 10

ÐÆØΞ -- Last syllable is another easy one. Say "dayo". See that second letter there? That must really be an A and an E making out. Say them both. And whatever that last symbol is, it's silent. Or at least it better be. I gave it $15 for it to keep its mouth shut.

Putting it all together

"Supwehluhoweeesdayo".

Good job! You've just pronounced the hardest to pronounce word on Uncyclopedia! (and possibly the world!)

_{*may not actually work unless you say the magic words, which are available for purchase from euroipods.com for only three chunky payments of $4x+7062=9y a month. Solve for X, show your work.}