HowTo:Destroy the moon
“Click... Click... The moon is gone.”
Tired of annoying ass surfers in your coastal town? Did a loved one get swept away from you by a tidal current? Or have you heard Clair de Lune one too many times? There is all one defining factor behind this, and this is obviously the easiest way to stop them. That's right, we're going to destroy the Moon. Well, let me tell you, it's not as easy as it seems. There's only two known techniques to do so.
Methods[edit | edit source]
Method 1: The Universe Sandbox method[edit | edit source]
You will need[edit | edit source]
- Steam or some other game platform that supports Universe Sandbox.
- Universe Sandbox.
- There's no third item, but a 2 item list would be weird.
- I guess we could say a computer?
Executing the technique[edit | edit source]
- Open Universe Sandbox
- Open the Earth and the Moon simulation
- Click on the Moon
- Click on the button that looks like an explosion
- Watch the Moon shatter into pieces. It may be right outside your window, depending on whether it's the day or the night.
Method 2: The literal method[edit | edit source]
Oh wow, that wasn't enough satisfaction? OK, psycho. Let's destroy the real moon.
You will need[edit | edit source]
- The Apollo 13, or was it 11?
- Explosives. A lot of them. Research online suggests using around 2.96 x 1013 megatons of TNT. Get your hands on some nukes.
- Money, for both of these things. You better be super rich.
Execution[edit | edit source]
- Rig the explosives all around the Moon.
- Abandon the unfortunate natural satellite.
- Detonate them all remotely, being sure to completely eradicate the Moon.
If it's still there, you may want to perform brick injection. If it isn't, perform brick injection anyway. Those fragments of the destroyed moon have got to go somewhere, and, by God's Grace, they should, hopefully, all land on top of you, you moon-destroying asshole.