View source for Heart

[[File:Heart.jpg|thumb|right|400px|An accurate depiction of blood flow through the chambers of the heart. Sweet.]]
[[File:Sweethearts.jpg|thumb|Necco has even produced candy made from hearts. How delicious.]]
{{about|the organ in various animals|the subject frequently confused with by people born after 1980|Pat Benetar}}
The '''heart''' is an organ in the human [[body]]. No, not that one. North of there. No, that's your trachea. Yes, there it is!
{{factoid|Some humans are said to be "heartless" and, therefore, have no heart. In its place are a bunch of rocks.}}
==Function==

Blood flows throughout the body, just as my [[soul]] flows throughout the [[universe]]. Wow. As blood flows through the heart, the heart heats it to the apropriate temperature. This prevents your [[brain]] from freezing, though this can be cured by drinking slurpees, slushies or even icees.

The heart is able to do this because it contains all of the [[love]] within the body. This is why people in cold countries (such as [[Sweden|Swedes]] and [[Eskimos]] are such affectionate people, since if they stop loving they'll freeze to death. People from hot countries such as [[Mexico]] can afford to be less loving, which is why they won't return my calls.

It is also the name of a 70's Rock band that made the song "Piranha". Other than that no one cares about them.
==Diseases of the Heart==

*Hypothermia. Caused by conditions of extreme cold or sometimes even X-Treem cold. The blood cools, causing the heart to become depressed and shut down. Treatment requires immediate heartwarming, such as [[Walt Disney|Disney]] movies, or exposure to [[puppies]].

*[[Heart Attack]]. Can be caused by red meat, cigarettes and alcohol, but it is usually triggered by tofu abuse. Cured with electric paddles. Cool, no?

*[[Vagina|Angina]]. A good name for a girl. St Angina is the patron saint of [[TV]] cop shows.

*[[Broken Heart]]. Caused because [[girl]]s have [[cootie]]s. So there.

*[[Lonely Heart]]. Fortunately, it is considered to be better to be an owner of a lonely heart than an owner of a broken heart.

*[[The Grinch|Grinch's Disease]]. A terrible condition in which the heart grows up to three sizes in a day. This can cause the lungs to collapse or in X-Treem cases, the chest can burst open like in ''Alien'' except instead of an alien out pops a heart. There is no known cure. Please give generously to the Grinch Foundation.

*[[Mahatma Gandhi|Ghandi's Syndrome]]. Also known as [[Mother Teresa|Mother Theresa's Malady]], [[Osmondism]] or [[Liberalism|Jimmy Carter's Disease]]. Caused by excessive niceness, the patient becomes literally "all heart". With no ribcage for protection or stomach to digest food, the patient soon dies.

*Heart/Spork Disorder. A rare condition, believed to be caused by being brutally stabbed in the heart with a spork. The only known cure is to prevent anyone stabbing you in the heart with a spork. This is why I always keep a shotgun loaded, and never leave my shack.

==See also==
{{Wikipedia}}
*[[Listen to Your Heart]]
*[[Spleen]]
*[[Blood]]
*[[Human anatomy]]
{{Catstub|Anatomy}}

[[category:Anatomy]]
[[category:Science]]
[[category:Medicine]]
[[category:Physiology]]
[[category:Kings of Iceland]]
[[Category:Vital articles]]
[[Category:Articles Where You'd Fall While Looking for Bands or Musicians]]

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