GTS Coaches
“Wow! That was the ride of my life!!!...”
GTS Coaches, commonly "Great Time Saturday", is a Welsh contract bus and taxi company, based in Blackwood, South Wales. The company was founded by Sgt. Coach of the Royal Bus Regiment and wished to name the company SGT Coach's. The name, however, was taken. The company was then taken over by the Fantastic Mr. Fox, and his absolutely smokin' wife (pictured). GTS provides transportation for all needs, be it education (such as school runs to local "St. Alban's R.C High School,Pontypool" and "The University of Bargoed"), Hen parties (to give local poultry a reward for their hard work laying) or just taking some elderly folk to their weekly bingo battle.
History[edit | edit source]
Before Sgt. Coach took over, the current GTS depot was a Nazi stronghold in 1941. Legend has it that Sgt. Coach marched in armed only with a glove and bitch-slapped ten shades of shit out of the nazi soldiers, causing them to bow down to his superior moustache. He then took the Nazis as POWs within the stronghold and used them as unpaid labour to help him build by hand what is now the absolutely ROCKING depot. As reward for their work, the nazis were employed as bus drivers, however, they weren't much use as they didn't speak English. They were instead used as Carburettors. Sgt. Coach's dream had come true, and he had his own bus company. Unfortunately the army didn't employ him to enslave Nazis for bus-building purposes, and he received some seriously dishonourable discharge in an envelope. Shamed, and stripped of his glory, he left, and the company fell into the hands of Fox E. Fox in 1981. Fox had a dream, bigger even than Coach, and gave the company a complete re-haul. Under his guidance, they rebuilt the bus depot so it looked more like an outhouse in disrepair than ever before. He also began the use of taxis, and decided that he would drive the buses for business and money, to benefit the community, as opposed to Sgt. Coach, who merely drove the buses around naked, instructing rather ferociously that local pensioners should "get their tits out" whilst stroking his ever-growing moustache. Under Fox, those pensioners are now driven to Bingo, where they try not to have seizures as a woman in a glittery dress shouts random numbers at them.
Notable staff other than fox include Granville the Grey, who ruled supreme on the school run from 2003-2006. It is predicted that he will return in a radiant boiler suit as Granville the White at sometime in the future. In addition to this, there is a woman who lives in a caravan in the co-op car park and some other people, probably.
Other Accomplishments[edit | edit source]
-GTS driver Spi D. Gonzales broke the land speed record in 2006, clocking over 1,294MPH on a Blackwood dual carriageway. Unfortunately one of the passengers on board was an undercover agent from Phoenix Coaches (down the road, by the ironing shop) who set up a police sting. This disturbed relations between GTS and Phoenix, who have a long history of skirmishes and gritty warfare.
-Engineers at GTS produced the world's first flying bus in April 2008. They named it the Airplane.
-The Stig broke the Bingo lap record in 1996, ferrying passengers to and from bingo in under 21 minutes.
Future[edit | edit source]
In late 2010, all buses at the GTS depot became self aware. The UK Government issued a lock-down and no word has emerged from the depot since, leaving the future of the company (and mankind) hanging in the balance. Sketchy reports indicated that some have witnessed one escaped bus "running" down a motorway in "a manner similar to that of a transformer". Head of Phoenix Coaches 50 Cent commented, saying it was "hilarious" and "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"