Forty-Six and Two

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Infancy

The world ends. Or does it? I am still in my chair. But the chair is now red, not black. Wait, was it black to begin with? What is black? I'm dissolving again...

Awakening

Why are my dreams so dark? This bleak never ending time when I could have lived forever. How old am I really? There is absolutely no way of knowing. This whole thing could be a dream. Dissolving again...

Am I ascending or descending? Does it matter? Supposing that this is the afterlife, what was the fore life? Is this just a projection of a subconscious? Perhaps this is all a dream in someone else's subconscious. Forget humanity, I could be a turnip dreaming of being a human. Am I a cannibal when I eat turnips? No, that's just silly... right?

Morality

There appears to be a lack of darkness on this plane. Much is too bright for me. Perhaps I wasn't made for the light, but made to stay in the shadows. Maybe no human can bear the light, thus we were put in the darkness for our own benefit.

Or, there appears to be a lack of light on this plane. Much is too dark for me. Perhaps I wasn't made for the dark, but made to stay in the light. Maybe no human can bear the darkness, thus we were put in the light for our own benefit.

DID THE MEANING CHANGE? Not really. It would appear that darkness and light are simply relative terms. An absence of one entirely leaves no comparison point, only a blank. The conscious mind has difficulty fathoming a world lacking entirely in either light or darkness. That puts me in a world with light and darkness. Dissolving...

Confusion

Am I spiraling upward or downward? Rather, inward or outward? No, Rimward or Edgewise? Can a Spiral Edge?

Over-thinking in this time of need. Is my centre there?

I'm so numb. If I could feel anything at all it would be better than this blank numbness. This loss of caring for anything at all.......... dissolving....

Meditations

Then I feel. I'm alive. I'm here, feeling breathing knowing. This moment here. This NOW. This one moment I am totally free. This reality where I AM.

Fleeting, yes. Difficult? Yes. Anything gained? Perhaps. One day that moment will be two moments.

One day 2 moments will be 3 One day 3 moments will be 5 One day 5 moments will be 8 One day 8 moments will be 13

...1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 34 55 34 21 13 8 5 8 13 21 34 55 89 144 233 144 89 55 34 55 89 144 233 377 610...

I'm reaching down and reaching in I'm reaching for the delibrate or what ever will clarify me. And leading our captivity... We'll ride the spirals to the start and finish before we end Spiral in.

Ruminations

I might be 44 and 2 now. 46 & 2 is just behind me