Flammable Monkeys

“Flammable monkeys are monkeys, but they are flammable!”

~ Captain Obvious on flammable monkeys

Flammable monkeys can be set on fire. That is what "flammable" means. It can be set on fire. Got it? Remember to take notes, class.

Discovery of flammable monkeys

Monkey, currently not in flames

They were discovered by ancient cave men. They found a monkey and put it on fire. They called it a "flammable monkey" to distinguish from other monkeys as they failed to set one alight. Recent research states that the other monkey were in water. What does that do to monkeys, kids?

"Drowns them!"

Well, if the water touches the monkey's head ... For a long time. There must be a lot of it really. Well, it would need to do more than just touch the monkey's head. It would need to cover it's way to breathe. What would I know, I'm only a monkey. No, what I meant is that water makes any monkey, even flammable and non-flammable monkeys, immune to fire for a little while.

A hot monkey. This one would be easy to burn.

The sport of burning flammable monkeys

In 1874, people would play a game where they had to track down and burn as many monkeys as possible. Although many set fire to themselves for some reason. Though they never lived to tell why. Some even set afire whole rainforests. Deforestation only accelerated during the year of 1874.

There was even a world cup held in September the 17th, but that lasted only five minutes, as the wooden watchtowers and all the audience on them all burned. To this day, its still a mystery how it happened, and nobody has come close to solving it. Even Albert Einstein spent 10 years trying to figure it out before he finally gave up and invented the atomic bomb.

Non-flammable monkeys

There are no non-flammable monkeys! All monkeys are flammable!

A sign warning you about the dangers of being flammable

Making a monkey burn

Step 1: find a monkey. Done. This step is easier than it sounds. Just look in a mirror.

Spot how the monkey spontaneously catches fire? If it doesn't, the following affordable things will work to put it in flames as well:

• Matches
• Ovens
• Flamethrower
• Nuke (though maybe a bit much, the monkey can be considered to be on fire seconds before its destruction)
• Fire itself
• Matchbox Man
• Hot chicks