FEATURE THIS ARTICLE DAMNIT!

Dear Uncyclopedians, I, a humble user of this magneficent site has to say the following:

FEATURE THIS FUCKING ARTICLE DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!

You won't like me when I'm angry. So you better feature this article before I break my foot up your ass.

Fuck! I break my fingers typing up this article and toiled for this freakin article! Shit, my sweat can fill up the friggin Nile River bitch! No seriously motherfuckers, feature this article before I fuckin go to your house and murder you fags! Heck, if this isn't featured, I'm gonna fucking hang myself. I stayed up for three weeks in a row to finish this article, and if it isn't featured, you better hope I don't know where you are, because I'll hunt you down and stuff your skin to hang on my trophy wall. Hell, what are you waiting for? This article should've been featured already! I mean, if it was worth my time, then it should be featured! In fact, this article not only should be featured, but it should be the only article since the other articles suck! Damnit, if this article isn't featured, then no other articles should because this article is the fucking best article around! Dangit, I made a major sacrifice for this article! I broke a freakin nail! If you don't feature this article after hearing that, then you sir have no heart.

Reasons why this article should be featured

Please feature this article, pretty please? If not I'll be fed to pedo sharks.

• I will go to your house and grind your private parts into chile to feed mexican orphans if you don't feature this article.
• I'm gonna grab a lawnmower and jam it up your friggin ass.
• I'll spam your computer so much, it will be shipped out to fat ass meat lovers around the globe in tightly spaced cans.
• I'll fucking put snakes on your plane
• If featured, I promise I won't go to your house and skull rape you.
• I'm gonna donate a subscription for Fat Fetishism Weekly to you.
• I'll steel your friends(if you have any) and eventually take over your life to the point your parent sells you to McDonalds to be processed into big macs.
• I'll send a grue to hide in your toilet. Just hope you don't have to go number 2.
• If you don't, I'll kill a school bus full of kittens so you won't be able to huff them.
• If you don't, you'll make Mr.Clown sad. You don't want him to be sad.
• I'll give you all the hentai I could find if you feature this article.
• I'll be your sex slave if you feature this article.
• For God's sake, I'LL DO ANYTHING IF YOU FEATURE THIS ARTICLE!
• Holy crap, I'm actually resorting to begging. PLEASE FEATURE THIS ARTICLE DAMNIT!

Why other articles written by me should be featured

To see more, feature this article.

Why shouldn't they be? I think Dick Cheney is a nazi and Chuck Norris is the most powerful creature in existence! That should automatically make me the coolest guy on Earth (exception being Chuck)! Man, I'm way more awesome than your faggot ass. Damnit man, I bet I'm the coolest in this whole damn site. Heck, I'm so cool, I make Oscar Wilde look like a cunt. Your all cunts except for me! Especially <insert name here>.

The Actual Article

Here it is, the actual article, in all its magnificent glory. It may be too awesome to some viewers and cause your head to explode out of sheer amazement at this wonderful article:

Penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, CUNT.

Finishing Statements

YOU SEE? THAT WAS THE BEST ARTICLE EVER! Holy crap, it should be like the number 1 article and I should get an award for coming up with something so amazing! It was helluva lot better than AAAAAAAAA or HowTo:Cut your own head off with a chainsaw. I sure thought it was and since I'm so damn awesome, my opinion should be followed. Oh yeah, and one more thing: I HAVE NO DICK!

DELETION!?

“Yeah, I think I'm going to put this up for deletion”

~ You on This crappy article.

“Per above”

~ Mnbvcxz on This crappy article.

“There is no sin except stupidity. Well, that and being a mincy faggot!”

~ Oscar Wilde on This Crappy Article.

You guys are putting this up for deletion!? Here's what I have to say about that:

See also

• Uncyclopedia is the worst
• Chuck Norris
• Jesus
• The Uncyclopedia Movie
• Anything that is 1337 bitch
• That weird crazy guy with the funky mustache

FEATURE THIS ARTICLE DAMNIT! was a former featured topic candidate. Please view its sub-page to see why the nomination failed. Once the objections have been addressed you may resubmit the topic for featured topic status.