Egg cups

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“For some reason fried eggs do not appear to be accepted readily by the egg cup”

~ Friederich Engels on egg cups

“That has something to do with your mother, Fred”

~ Sigmund Freud on Friederich Engels on egg cups

An obscure invention by an even more obscure man by the name of Charles de Gaulle, the egg cup has transformed breakfast from a painstaking and primitive ritual into the modern institution we know today. Proponents of the slippery slope theory argue that without egg cups, corporate America could no longer consider breakfast the "most important meal of the day." The drop in egg sales and cholesterol levels would topple capitalism, result in a new world of workers' councils, an alarming increase of people named "Woody," and Jefferson Airplane on the radio at all times. Not that that's a bad thing.

Origins and Current Status[edit]

The origin of the egg cup is seldom related to anyone whose life lacks opportunities to hear the story. However, in recent decades there has been a resurgence of interest in the near-mythical underpinnings of such a reveared implement of breakfast. Most sources claim that in the year 1943, Frenchmen Charles de Gaulle and Jean-Claude Van Damme took a break from the difficult job of fulfilling ethnic stereotypes such as eating at local cafes and miming. Looking for a nutritious and easy-to-pick-out-against a-black-background snack, they found an egg. Sadly, it rolled away from their grasp.

They paused to watch a man don a dress. Impressed by pectorals in a bra, they received the divine inspiration: an egg contained by a cup cannot roll about. Van Damme kicked the gay-transvestite to the curb; De Gaulle enlisting the help of Barbara Streisand. Their well-designed prototype, named "Dennis," was made from china or pewter, leading to large trucks being called "pewter-bilts" in honor of CB-using rednecks constantly "egging" one another to run over smokies, deer, and ragamuffins.

In the years since that historic discovery the egg cup has never looked back. Currently the most up-to-date-version is V 17.51, also known by the less-threatening name "Petunia." It features a revolutionary new design-feature of a handle allowing egg-consumption with guests at a double-feature theater.


The egg cup features a utilitarian and self-explanatory design, namely it is a cup capable of holding any form of soft or hard boiled egg (however anyone who puts hard boiled eggs in an egg cup does not deserve either) and it is also capable of containing fluids, (of varying degrees of viscosity) small objects (of varying degrees of interest) and the Gross National Product of several small nations.

Egg cups may also be used when camping, when shot glasses are not available. They provide an entertaining and different way of consuming your Asda Price Vodka, to disguise the taste, and also to help you forget the weird alien things roaming the sky. No, thats a spotlight. Well, maybe you're too drunk.

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