Emergency Alert System
The Emergency Alert System, also abbreviated as EAS, is a method of scaring people into taking shelter and/or evacuating certain areas. Luckily, only North America uses the true EAS, and the rest of the world is safe... Or is it?
So, what is the EAS, exactly?[edit | edit source]
The EAS is meant to alert American residents of either natural disasters like these, or it is used to deliver an urgent civil message, but most of the time it's just a natural disaster.
What kind of alerts do the EAS send off?[edit | edit source]
Here's a list of all the known alerts aired by the EAS:
Required Weekly Test[edit | edit source]
Least scary alert. It's just a test, as there is no actual threat.
Required Monthly Test[edit | edit source]
Another test. Do we really need two of these? Can I get back to watching Wheel of Fortune now?
Tornado Watch[edit | edit source]
This alert doesn't mean a tornado's coming, but the conditions are right for one to form, so NOAA will keep an eye on that area so they can send off the scare buzzer as soon as one forms.
Tornado Warning[edit | edit source]
This alert means a twister has formed in your area. This may be accompanied by loud and annoying sirens.
Earthquake Warning[edit | edit source]
This alert means seismic activity is occurring in a fault line near you.
Shelter In Place Warning[edit | edit source]
This alert means that you shouldn't evacuate, but rather take shelter in your own home.
Civil Danger Warning[edit | edit source]
This alert is one of 3 that you always see in those "EAS scenarios". It means that there is something that, well, poses a threat to the city.
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FACT ALERT: The Emergency Alert System is in effect. |
Civil Emergency Message[edit | edit source]
Quite similar to the civil danger warning, it means something very similar.
Emergency Action Notification[edit | edit source]
This alert notifies you about a national emergency. You know you’re screwed once you see it.
Sodomy Alert[edit | edit source]
This alert informs you on an event involving sodomy.
Spell-like-a-child Advisory[edit | edit source]
This alert tells you to spell like a child, it's pretty self explanatory.
Local Area Emergency[edit | edit source]
This alert... Uhmmmm... What purpose does this alert serve? The civil emergency message is better.
Ice Cream Alert[edit | edit source]
This is to alert you that Mr Whippy is nearby and monitoring your movements. Please do not be afraid, he's an emulsified blob and cannot harm you.
Barbecue Alert[edit | edit source]
This one is native to the United Kingdom, and involves using the EAS's Tornado Warning to advise that people don't go barbecuing. It involves no evacuations or imminent threats, it's just a loud, blaring tornado alarm telling you to make better life choices. Use with caution, as overuse runs the risk of making the Emergency Alert System hilarious.
Dipshit Warning[edit | edit source]
For when someone is being a dipshit.
911 Telephone Outage Emergency[edit | edit source]
Uh oh! Emergency services are temporarily unavailable. So if you have an emergency, you are out of luck!
Volcano Warning[edit | edit source]
A personal favorite of supervillains. Just watch out for the lava.
Nuclear Power Plant Warning[edit | edit source]
Would have been very useful at Chernobyl.
Avalanche Warning[edit | edit source]
This seriously cannot be good for my ski trip this January.
New England Patriots Warning[edit | edit source]
Protect your sportsballs! Tom Brady is coming to take air out of them!
Flood Warning[edit | edit source]
Noah! Get the ark!
EAS "Scenarios"[edit | edit source]
EAS Scenarios are basically, what if this were to happen, expressed in emergency alerts?
Lots of them contain valid SAME headers, and also warns you that playing them in public or on air could trigger the EAS legitimately. The warning is mostly a reason to get the cops off your back if some bimbo plays the EAS on air or in public.