Dryer
The dryer is one of the greatest contributions to the field of experimental physics since the Giant Hadron Collider. The dryer is the only piece of manmade technology currently that can produce an artificial wormhole and cause quantum entanglement. As of the late 1900's the dryer was responsible for more than one billion lost socks most of which belonged to the left foot. A lampshade somehow contributed to this pandemic.
Research (How it Works)[edit | edit source]
Scientists studied this phenomenon very closely for long periods of time and were unable to observe any type of quantum entanglement/vortex formation. Since lab tests continued to yield unsuccessful results they decided to create the laundromat where many dryers were clumped together alongside washers in the hopes that some type of quantum phenomena would take place. It is there that they learned that for a wormhole to form and for quantum entanglement to occur, the objects placed inside the dryer must first be de-atomized by a washing machine.
This de-atomizing process was key, due to the fact that everything that passes through a wormhole is usually torn apart atom by atom. The process was discovered by one of the scientists working on the experiment one night at his very house. It also raised a whole new series of questions. A few of them being along the lines of, "how does something become de-atomized and yet still exist?" You can find the answer and read more on washing machines here.
Since the only thing that ever disappeared in a dryer was socks the first tests were conducted using mostly kittens. De-atomization of kittens was very difficult mainly because it was very difficult to predict the actions of kittens (especially kittens that have already been huffed). It was later learned that the orange ones "fuck you up REAL good".
After a few experiments the scientists learned that kittens with feet that were naturally colored to resemble socks were the only ones that appeared to disappear, and only in the first few seconds of drying. It was also later discovered earlier that day that it was only the counterclockwise rotation dryers that caused the vortex phenomena, and for some reason the vortex always spun in the direction of the nearest flushing toilet.
Application[edit | edit source]
Since the kitten experiments, new theories developed and a new way of thinking as far as application began to emerge. Many new innovations were made in the use of dryer technology, the largest of which was in 2038 when the very scientists that had conducted all of the first lab, laundromat, and kitten huffing experiments finally designed a small fleet of spacecraft that were shaped as socks, using an actual dryer as their hood ornament.
Out of the 8 that were built 4 of them disappeared seconds after their dryers were initiated, and only 1 returned from wherever it went. All of the crew of the ship appeared to have disappeared, so the project leaders sent Laurence Fishbourne and that guy from Jurassic Park to investigate.
It turned out that the ship had been possessed by the spirits of the first huffed-kitten-dryer-experiments otherwise known as anti-kittens and they were bent on taking the lives of all that had a hand in their exile to the place where all the socks go once they are whisked away by the dryer vortex.
Disaster Strikes - Dryers to the Rescue[edit | edit source]
The experiment was abandoned until the early 21st century after the activation of the Large Hadron Collider opened up a wormhole in the space time continuum. The only person left who had his hand in the first tests with dryers and also the discoverer of the de-atomize effect of washers acted quickly after viewing the Hadron Collider Webcam and witnessing the formation of the black hole.
Since the failed 4 Pair of Socks experiment he had perfected the dryer warp drive in his basement using the first dryer ever built and a front-load washer in attempt to brave the perilous trip into the alternate dimension of the anti-kittens and rescue his colleagues (who were captured later in the 21st century).
Seeing as the imminent destruction of earth was quickly approaching he felt the urgent need to quickly act as fast as possible in order to abruptly stop the quickening and impending doom of the planet and quite possibly the solar system.
So he super-atomized an entire load of socks all of which had been placed on the left foot of several individuals and a few kittens (all of which were orange). He then place the dryer on super high heat and set a countdown timer for 5 min. Using a sophisticated delivery system he managed to launch the dryer into close proximity of a nearby location close to the spot where the black hole seemed to be quickly approaching from close-by.
Once the countdown timer hit zero the dryer activated and was able to counteract the black hole by sucking it into its own vortex. The scientist claimed he did it in the interest of science, which was received by the public to be complete rubbish. Most thought that he did it to save his own ass and get himself out of the mass of debt he was in from an existence of bar-hopping and strip club patronage over the last decade due to the massive failure of one of the most unimportant events never to have taken place.
Independent Research[edit | edit source]
Many have tried to copy these experiments, some with horrific side effects. One man actually blended himself with a fly when he placed socks on his feet made from the fur of two siamese cats, got into a dryer (with a fly of course), turned it on, and was teleported to a dryer in...
- Glastonbury Highlander Laundromat
- 103 D New London Tpke
- Glastonbury CT 06033
...and also simultaneously to a dryer in...
- Tio's Laundromat & Cleaners
- 364 W 23rd St
- New York, NY 10011
...this baffled many. Not only because he ended up half-fly-half-man but also because this was the first occurrence of inter-dryer-teleportation, and that he was essentially, for lack of a better word, cloned.
One case involved a young man living in his mothers basement who huffed a kitten precisely 88 seconds before activating the dryer he was occupying. He tied a rope to himself, shut the door, remote activated the dryer with a garage door opener modified for the very purpose of activating dryers, and was instantaneously, according to the young man, transported to the W.C. of the "Relish Bar & Restaurant" in Manchester. Later on the rope was discovered by his mum and while he was talking to very lovely young woman who noticed the rope but never thought to ask about it he was pulled back into the basement through the vortex and then scolded for having huffed a kitten and not shared.
The last recorded incident occurred when a man placed socks on his feet hands and the top of his head and was horribly mangled when the all of the socks flashed out of existence and took their respective inhabitating appendages with them.
