Dihydrogen monoxide
 | CALIFORNIA PROPOSITION 65 WARNING: The state of California has determined that dihydrogen monoxide can kill ya. The state of California is also lacking in dihydrogen monoxide, but finds that many of its agricultural exports contain it. More information at https://www.P65Warnings.ca.gov |
Dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), also known as hydrogen hydroxide and hydroxic acid, is an odorless, tasteless, and highly corrosive substance. Although it is liquid at room temperature, it is highly volatile and can be turned into gas and solid forms relatively easily with minor changes in temperature and elevation. Whilst many have lobbied for warning labels to be included in all uses of DHMO, corporate greed and government collusion have led to inaction.
Chemical properties[edit | edit source]
DHMO's chemical formula is extremely simple, consisting of a hydroxide group [OH-] covalently bonded to a hydrogen cation [H+], giving it the chemical formula "HOH". It has a bent geometry due to the two lone electron pairs of the central O atom in hydroxide, causing the hydrogen cation to extend from the rest of molecule at a 104.5° angle. Due to its hydrogen-oxygen bonds, the leading intermolecular force acting on DHMO is the extremely strong hydrogen bond, causing it to easily dissolve into any other polar compound. It's structure is unique in that it will expand when cooled to sub zero temperatures. This is particularly dangerous as it is known to cause catastrophic results such as exploded beer bottles when left outside in the snow.
Commercial uses[edit | edit source]
Despite DHMO's danger, many unscrupulous factories use it as an industrial coolant because of its extremely high heat capacity, and it is frequently output with other waste materials into rivers and streams. This includes use in nuclear power plants where DHMO is recklessly used to cool down nuclear reactions rather than safer alternatives such as highly volatile gasses or compressed sulfuric acid.
Dihydrogen monoxide never biodegrades and remains in it's current state for millions of years. Large amounts of DHMO have been found everywhere, with the chemical itself persisting in over 70% of the Earth's surface. This is widely believed to be a result of high solubility of DHMO to any material and a consistent lack of human apathy and government inaction.
Humans regularly consume DHMO on a daily basis with wanton disregard for the dangers. Consuming 20 liters or more can lead to death.
DHMO is also used as an additive in many soft drinks. In one test, a single can of Coca Cola was found to contain more than 300g of DHMO which may exceed recommended safety limits.
Corrosive properties[edit | edit source]
DHMO has corrosive properties on a wide amount of materials, including metals such as iron. It can cause iron to oxidize and quickly break down and deteriorate. It also can erode landscapes, wearing away even stone when those materials are subjected to prolonged contact to DHMO.
Leaving a human body in DHMO for more than one hour can lead to the skin becoming overly soft and prune like. Immersing oneself in it for more than 100 hours can result in a full out dissolving of skin.
How To:Detect DHMO[edit | edit source]
Though DHMO is colorless and transparent, it can be identified by its reflective tint. Clothes contaminated with DHMO have been shown to darken in the DHMO-contaminated parts. Leaving the clothes permeated with it can result in a sour smell if not dried quickly. Clusters of condensed DHMO gas have been observed sticking out like a sore thumb in the air, waiting to pour out droplets of DHMO at varying intensity. Even those who were deceived by the propaganda fear having large clusters of condensed DHMO gas filling most of the visible sky, because that means that an intense amount of DHMO drops will pour on them and weaken their immune system, hence why they watch special internet sites to predict the bodies' activities.
Fish and whales[edit | edit source]
Some creatures, despite the toxic effects of DHMO, have adapted to that toxicity and live fully immersed in the medium. The world is a very competitive and resourceless medium where fish and related creatures regularly consume one another in a hostile environment. Humans are known to ingest these creatures unaware of their origins and that the creatures are contaminated with high quantities of DHMO. It is believed that for humans who eat fish, their bodies become composed of nearly 55% DHMO.
Dangers[edit | edit source]
DHMO is one of the most dangerous substances currently known to man. Inhalation of liquid DHMO kills within minutes. Prolonged skin contact with solid DHMO can cause severe pain and can even require amputation. When thermally agitated, such as exposure at 200 degrees Celsius, it produces blistering vapors which reduce visibility. More than fifty thousand people are killed on roads each year by these phantom menaces due to the overlubricating of surfaces or slippery frozen ones. Any physical contact with liquid DHMO has been reported to cause loss of body heat on the DHMO-touched area if not removed before it harvests the heat to absorb itself into the surrounding gas. DHMO decreases friction, meaning that walking on ground contaminated with DHMO or made of DHMO increases the risk of falling.
DHMO is also highly deadly if fully inhaled while in liquid form, causing death after ten minutes of large exposure.
Even ingestion of the liquid can cause problems. Studies show that DHMO ages and oxidizes human cells and causes death within a hundred years of birth. No one who has consumed DHMO has survived beyond age 150.
Although it can cause a lot of long-term damage, the median lethal dose for DHMO is 90,000 mg per kg of body weight, or about 5L for the average person, in a span of 15 minutes.
Furthermore, DHMO is psychoactive and extremely addictive. Regular users report feelings of freshness and reduction of thirst after consuming DHMO. In a carefully controlled study, 100% of participants admitted to having used DHMO at some point in their lives. Numerous studies show that this can even be hereditary: Parents who consume DHMO do in fact pass their crippling addiction to their kids. This is a cycle that has ensured that virtually eighty out of eighty lifeforms are addicted to DHMO. DHMO has the withdrawal symptoms of feeling dry-skinned, feeling thin-skinned, decreased saliva production, decreased body weight, decreased bodily water, then, after three days of withdrawal, death.
- is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain.
- contributes to the "greenhouse effect".
- contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
- accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
- may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.
- is a major component of hurricanes and deadly monsoons.
- has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
Attempts at regulation[edit | edit source]
Many lobbyists have tried to enact several bans on DHMO usage. Despite the numerous evidence, the legislators refused to enact any restrictions and only cited "economic harm" for the rationale. It is very obvious what is happening here: the bottled DHMO industry alone is a 300 billion dollars industry. In fact, the DHMO industry has such power on the USA's governments that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency is conserving and protecting DHMO mining lands and operations. This means members of congress and parliament around the world care more about the interests of those who fund their campaigns rather than hardworking citizens, oblivious to the harms of DHMO. Greenpeace have dedicated significant resources to fighting for limited greenhouse emissions, which would ensure that a maximal amount of DHMO remains safely trapped in polar ice.