Devonshire Arms
The Devonshire Arms - or as it is more popularly known, the Dev - is a gentleman's club and hotel in Cambridge, England. World famous for the luxury of its interior and fittings, the Dev has played host to such well-known musical artists as Sam Fox, Mel and Kim and Michael Jackson; all of whom are commemorated by the genuine signed posters affixed to the ceiling in the back bar.
Medieval Wall Paintings[edit | edit source]
Unusually for a late 19th/early 20th Century building, the Dev boasts some of the finest examples of medieval wall painting to be found anywhere in Europe. Little is known of these paintings, which depict a traditional 13th Century English village fete and a man playing an ancient instrument known as a roade coanne, other than that they were created by an artist known only as Rufus. Further study is prevented since the paintings are revered as holy icons by the religious Hippy movement. In the toilets there are interesting pictures of strange mice and some puddles of urine. Be wary, however - the Dev's toilets are a known breeding ground of the grue.
Victuals[edit | edit source]
The Dev is wordly famous for its well-stocked cellars which contain wines such as the rare 1767 Chateau de Tony (£25,000 per bottle) and several barrels of Stella Artois that went out of date in the time of George 111. That's George the One Hundred and Eleventh, not the better-known George the Third.
Music Policy[edit | edit source]
Monday nights at the Dev play host to Ash and Jeff's popular Carribbean Music Night, where some of the finest DJs in the world can be heard. Characterised by the seamless mixing, tickets for the night are best booked in advance due to popularity. Thursdays are given over to a night by well-known DJ Mr Burns, when he remembers to show up.
Cuisine[edit | edit source]
The Dev has been awarded four Michelin stars, one of only three restaurants in the world to receive such an honour. Egon Ronay describes their signature dish, Salted Peanuts, as "the fucking bollocks, man." The ever popular Vingt Clopes De La Machine De Clope is a reasonably priced dish, costing just £5.20. An unusual flambe'd dish, best consumed by inhalation rather than oral consumption. Another signature dish, the Italian Uno Spliff Grande Grasso, can be sampled round the back of the butcher's shop opposite the pub.
Recent Events[edit | edit source]
I was in there the other night around 11:30 pm, when the power went out. I sat at my table for several minutes when I was suddenly hit with the urge to take a leak. I decided to try and fumble my way to the bathroom in the pitch black. However, my drunken stupor, combined with too many invisible obstacles, twarted my attempt. I took a piss on the floor in the little hallway by the pool table. Or billiards if you prefer. Later that night, I squirted mustard on some girl who was blocking the sausage cart, and pooped a little in the back of a cab.