“A disc jockey is like pubic hair, you don't really want them, and no matter what you do they never really go away.”
A disc jockey (abbreviated D.J., DJ or deejay), not to be confused with disc jacker, is a person who practices the fine art of talking over a record as much as possible while the vocalist isn't singing. Consequently, being a DJ requires an immense love for one's own voice. Some bands have DJ's, such as Slipknot and Linkin Park, but these are usually just there to make up the numbers, and because hey, why the hell not?
The person that blabbers... something over the record while it is playing is called an MC aka Making it Crap. These phenomenon are noticed largely at underground parties featuring extreme bass sounds with heavy synth using some form of electronic loud sounds that some people classify as music. I hope that they will shut up.
The DJ is the person that provides these annoying creatures known as MC the reason to lurk trough the shadows to attend a party in a field in a warehouse in a shed. The DJ also keeps them annoying the party-goers by not only playing record after record underneath the cusses and hypes, but keeps it in correct timing and loud so that the people will not notice that the MC does not make any sense in anything that he is saying.
In the event of thermonuclear armageddon, it has been postulated that there would only be two surviving forms of life; cockroaches, and gym teachers. These postulators are wrong, for they neglect the shielding power of the ego of the average radio discjockey.
Radio discjockeys are nuclear-powered; this is responsible for the distinctive orange hue of their skin, as well as their distinctly unpleasant (and highly radioactive) body odour. They only reproduce at night, in dank corners under the mixing desks of their stations, although this (distinctly unpleasant) sight can easily be avoided by listening out for their mating cry: It's for charidee, mate!
Disc Jockey facts[edit | edit source]
Some Disc Jockys mix music up to make it sound good.
Social life of the discjockey[edit | edit source]
Thankfully, non-existent; the city-state of Basildon in the United Kingdom still retains ancient laws allowing the assassination (by bow and arrow (blunt of course)) of discjockeys found within the city walls after nightfall, and obtained a derogation from the Human Rights Act specifically in order to permit this.
Little Known Facts About DJ's[edit | edit source]
- DJs are actually more useful as field plows.
- Obama plans to DJ a morning show from the Oval Office, where he has stated he will "bring that bitch Wendy Williams to her scab-hardened knees"
- DJs come in many popular flavors, including, beer-spill, and fingernail butt cake.
- DJ originally stood for Dick Jerks, a 1970s substitute for the Soda Jerks, but they inevitably found other uses for their hands.
- Most DJ's are known to be actually deaf and George W. Bush in disguise.
- The most successful Dj's such as Tiesto and Condoleeza Rice are known to slap together sounds of dying children and weeping mothers along with pulsating and sped-up Backstreet Boy beats in order to create their hits, such as 'World Hold On' and 'God Bless America'. Amrit is the best dj in the world known specially for heaving his turntables at heckling crowd members and killing the first born offspring of all those who do not offer him their virgin daughters as a token of appreciation for his funky minimalist techno progressive electro house sets.
- What most people believe to be headphones, are actually cages of little furry hobbits that tell the DJ what to play next.
- Being a DJ may cause you to get laid, often several times in a row in many different directions involving many different cake toppings.
- When becoming a dj, you must undergo a initiation ceremony where you sell your soul to Adolf Hitler.
- Since social workers and the police started taking a half-hearted interest in child abuse no part-time DJ has had sex.
- Most DJ's begin as lost, pimply, male adolescents who believe that if they can spin a record, it will make them popular.
Largely known facts about DJs[edit | edit source]
- They're musicians
- Any cunt can do this shit (provided they are British)
- They plague Australian youth culture
- They all love Justice and think they can be Justice
- They play techno music