Course Adjustment Knob
Have you ever regretted that you have taken a course at school? Did you ever steer your ship into an iceberg? Did you ever want to prevent the collapse of Rome? To fix or create all these problems and more, the Course Adjustment Knob™ brought to you by 3M may be the best invention for you! Combining the hard studied and thoroughly researched knob technology often found on doors, microscopes (and even TV sets!), and newly declassified military technology for the ability to warp space and time, the CAK™ may be the newest innovation for you to gargle at. You can get this new technology by sending in just seven easy payments with your of $66.89! There's no minimum to buy. Plus, you'll automatically be billed for the latest 3M products every month. Have your credit card ready and call the number at the bottom of the page today! This bleeding-edge technology has been brought to you by 3M, a leader not only in knob technology, but also sticky notes.
Operation[edit | edit source]
Simply insert your CAK™ onto your previously purchased 3M Knob Holder™. Next, insert the twelve D batteries (sold separately). Finally, turn your knob to the desired setting. Depending on the desired purpose of operation for your CAK™, you will have to purchase the additional 3M CAK Labels™ to have the desired effect.
We are not responsible for legal troubles caused by your purchased CAK™, however if you do run into problems due to your CAK™, you might want to consider purchase of our brand new Fine Adjustment Knob™. If you buy one with your purchase of the CAK™, you'll get it for the low, low price of full price!
Impress your Friends![edit | edit source]
With your Course Adjustment Knob™, you can impress your friends! With the CAK™ you can control Rome, cook your thanksgiving dinner in record time, and even buy a packet of our Scotch™ brand Tape all in one day!
Customize your CAK™![edit | edit source]
For an additional 50 dollars per skin, you can customize your knob to look however you want! Available customizable color templates include black, black, black, black, and don't forget black! There is also the ever popular black! You can also choose the shape of the knob - you can choose between a cylinder and a cylinder. With a little customization, you can tell your friends you have on cool knob! yah right
Forget the Competition![edit | edit source]
Unlike OTHER products your Course Adjustment Knob comes standard with Knob Processing, a technology allowing you to use the knob faster and better than the competitions fancy complex button systems. Those new thingymadoodad with their new-fangled button based technology really have nothing on our powerful knob technology!
Troubleshooting The CAK™[edit | edit source]
If any of these methods do not work, please contact your local 3M representative if you are in a capable time period of doing so.
CAK™ Does not Work[edit | edit source]
Try replacing the batteries. If you are not able to replace the batteries, rotate your CAK™ 90 degrees and try again. If that does not work, you may have twisted the CAK™ to a non-existent value due to the fact your label was misapplied or not applied at all.
History Changed, Iceberg Hit, Bad Course Chosen[edit | edit source]
That's your own damn fault. If you don't have the brains to fix this problem yourself and not look at the troubleshooting guide you are in for a rude awakening, mister. I'm not going to sit here and type every situation in which you can screw the space-time continuum up!
Forgot what to do[edit | edit source]
You might want to get that checked, or you can simply purchase a stack of your 3M brand sticky notes($11 value) sold separately. Sticky Notes are very helpful if you are able to read, just make sure that you don't get to that point if you can.
Lawsuits[edit | edit source]
Our product is great, especially with the US Patent 2022020405 on our side! Thanks to our swift response we've vendor locked the American continuum manipulation industry! We drove Colombia into the ground because of their Reality Clicker (Say goodbye to your nice warm jackets and Adam Sandler movies!), and Staples with their easy button, and now nobody in North America can get anything but our continuum manipulation machine! Heck, not even master auto maker Zemecki can escape our wrath, and it's not because we make tape. Unfortunately, you poor euro-sports have ruined our fun with your universal remotes, and your phone booths.
The Course Knob Jingle[edit | edit source]
Sung to the tune of the old Razor Gator jingle.
Only takes a minute,
to screw up time itself,
with some Course Adjustment,
Course Adjustment!
Take, twist, see. It's so neat Keep it clean!
Take, twist, see. It's alriiiiiight!
If you call right now, there's a chance that we might actually accept your credit card!
You'll also get the lovely tea cosy free of no charge.