Collapsible chairs
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“Collapsibility in furniture is only a virtue if it happens when you want it to.”
The chair, a great invention and without it we would sit on the floor and get dirty. But without the chair would we have known to sit on our arses anyway? For many centuries the folding chair was considered one of the most important pieces of furniture in the house and prized as a status symbol. Pah. If you need a collapsible chair to be popular then I would need legs to walk normally.
History[edit | edit source]
The folding chair has been around for centuries maybe even billions of years. Zeus invented the first chair so that Hercules had somewhere to sit after pillaging some village of greece for a two-headed dog statue. So next time you watch an episode of Hercules(said in deep manly voice for effect) maybe you should congratulate him or maybe you should tell him where to stick his complete shite ideas, back where shite comes from!!
Egyptians, Greeks, Etruscans(yes I have never heard of them either), Romans and king Arthurs lay about nights apparently all had their own crap version. All just waiting to snap an unsuspecting child's head in two, like a bear trap (with fabric so that you are comfortable when you're bleeding to death).
Famous deaths[edit | edit source]
The collapsible chair brought many deaths, the are viewed on a sketch show called Smack Down on a daily basis by fat people with large foam hands who sit on collapsible chairs as well. Oh the insanity.
Gerrit Rietveld, Netherlands , 1888-1964 after building a modern foldaway chair which he named Hugo it soon attacked mad at its creator for the insane colour choices made. The chair now is used as a child gathering attraction at Michael Jacksons Netherland ranch place among other popular articles such as the "Michael Jackson - Sound, Touch and Feel book".
Ban them[edit | edit source]
We've banned smoking in public places why not collapsible chairs outside cafes and restaurants. At least with smoking the worst event in public would be a bad case of smokers cough. The menace that is the foldaway chair could kill almost instantly, so if not for your sake do it for a helpless welsh sheep which is stalked by a "hungry" welsh noodle chomping farmer!