Chris Ilitch

Chris Ilitch is actually trying to do something once but massively failing

Chris Ilitch is apparently an American entrepreneur who owns the Detroit Fuck Wings and the Detroit Tigers completely against his better will and judgement only because his old man Mike Ilitch decided it would be funny to build a $900M arena named after his pizza business Large Romeo- I mean Little Caesars- and proceed to dying only to leave it in the hands of Chris. Chris has been called the worst owner of a sports franchise because he's just a rich bastard who only aims to disappoint his old man by having thousands of workers in Little Caesars stores nationwide paid less than minimum wage which is barely illegal anymore thanks to Joe Biden and then pocketing the rest of the money that comes from each overpriced greasy Hot-N-Ready pizzas. He also doesn't use any of that overly-pocketed money for his two Detroit teams because he never wanted to own those but has to because his old man Mike wanted them to stay in the family and because he wants to drive Detroit, MI into the ground by starting with their sports. He overpaid Eminem to loop a 15-second segment from his song Without Me to annoy not just Detroit fans but fans of other National Hockey League teams at the same time as blowing the most basic goal horn ever that he wasn't even willing to pay for originally. After all, he lied about the original goal horn recording from his old man Mike's barn The Joe Louis Arena which was at it's time the best horn in the NHL. Chris was just being as cheap as usual. He has nothing else to speak for only because he's too cheap to even be known to not show up to Detroit Fuck Wings games or Detroit Tigers games because he just hates these teams and only prays the worse on them. Makes sense why Olympia Entertaiment isn't even part of Detroit sports anymore. Oh, what's that? Oh the Fox Theatre. The one his old man bought and rebuilt? Yeah he just kind of let that go onto its own thing and it turned into a dumpster fire that he didn't even tend to rather just threw more fire starter onto. He didn't even have a Little Caesars in there. He barely put one in the $900M arena he didn't pay for and thanked the lord that his money didn't have to go into it because he's too cheap to realize he's a shittionaire- whoops I meant to say millionaire. He was just glad to not pay Daktronics millions of dollars for a tiny sized jumbotron that's been referred to as the biggest-most-seamless in the world. He would much prefer to have his fans chant the name of the Detroit Lions player Jared Goff in the middle of his arena that only holds the population of Detroit and maybe another 3,000 people if you're lucky. He also overcharges for tickets to his teams' sporting events only so he can pocket more money and rip off the ticket booth because they don't even get a booth let alone a computer with internet to allow for online sales of tickets. Even then he wouldn't pay to host a website for their tickets to be sold from only because it's for a Detroit Sport team he owns and doesn't care about.