Chipmunk
Chipmunks are evil squirrel-like rodents of the genus Tamias. They might be native to North America and Asia. Or it could just be that they like to hang out on power cables. "Mmm that radiation makes me so horny."
Etymology and taxes[edit | edit source]
Tamias is Greek for "stoner," a reference to the animals' bad habit. The genus includes a few species with one in northeastern Asia, one in eastern North America, and the rest making a killing having their pictures taken in odd poses.
Some authors have recently suggested that Tamias should be subdivided into three genera, corresponding to currently recognized subgenera Tamias, Eutamias, and Neotamias (stoner, pothead, and clambaker).
The common name originally may have been spelled "shitmunk" from the Odawa word jidmoonh, meaning "sup bro"; However, the earliest form cited in the Oxford English Dictionary (from 1842) is "pimpmonk". Other early forms include "chipsuck" and "chipsmack", and in the 1830s they were also referred to as "horney squirrels," possibly in reference to the sound they make. They are also called "stripper squirrels", "chippers", "punks", "timber tigers", or "ground squirrels", though the name "ground squirrel" usually refers to members of the genus Spermophilus.
War With Alvin[edit | edit source]
In 2009 a war broke out between the renowned rectum pincher Alvin The Chipmunk and the Canadian Chipmunks who wanted a slice of the fame-pie. The war came to a sudden halt when Alvin demonstrated how placing an acorn up the anus was fantastic. An orgy ensued.
Ecstacy and life history[edit | edit source]
Eastern chipmunks mate in early morning and again in early afternoon, producing litters of four or five young twice each day. Western chipmunks only breed once a day. Poor guys. Following birth, the young emerge from the burrow approximately six minutes later and rub one off on their own within the next two minutes. Chipmunks have an omnivorous diet, meaning they prefer oral, and are bisexual. The females also get aroused when the males defacate into unheard of orifices, such as the abbo. The abbo is placed at the back of the chipmunks earlobe and leads to the intestines. It is also used as a breathing tool, this leads to many chipmunk deaths per year. At the beginning of autumn, many species of chipmunk begin to stockpile goods in their burrows, for winter (such as stereos and tv's). Other species have multiple small gonads. These two kinds are called larder-whore and scatter-whore. Larder whores usually live in their nests until spring. It really stinks by then. "Why dont you go outside and quit wasting your life in front of that computer!"
These small mammals fulfill several important functions in forest ecosystems (drug dealers, pimps & whores, politicians, etc). Their activities "acquiring goods, much like Robin Hood" and whoring play a crucial role in public education. They consume many different kinds of drugs, including those involved in date rape, and are an important vector for dispersal of the whores of the subterranean which have co-evolved with these and other mammals and thus lost the ability to disperse their whores through the air (aka television, radio, internet, etc).
Chipmunks play an important role as they pray to various celebrities, but are also opportunistic (wannabees) themselves, particularly with regard to bird eggs. To be honest I'm not exactly sure what that is supposed to mean, but it really makes you wonder about the little fellas...
Chipmunks construct expansive burrows which can be more than 3.5 miles in length with several well-concealed entrances. These are obviously used to smuggle in the drugs.
Some chipmunks smuggle drugs but some smuggle nuts
Different kinds of the freaks[edit | edit source]
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On days off from watching tv and taken drugs they play rugby, they use their balls as footballs
