Chavham
 | This article may be Overly British |
Chavham is a town in England, infamous for the chav infestation since the early 1990s.
About Chavham[edit | edit source]
Chavham was formerly a popular tourist destination until an American staying at a local hotel on July 11, 1993 noticed an RnB like sound in the walls of his room. This was investigated and discovered to have a chav infestation. Chavs are known to breed litters as young as 8 years old which sparked the epidemic. Eventually, rockers (or anyone else half decent to talk to and be around) were outnumbered 1000:1.
Battle of Chavham[edit | edit source]
Chavham has seen many fights in it's hayday but nothing like this, the head of the Emo pary in Chavham called Chavham a fucking disgrace and every Chav needed to be burned off the map. Such words were heard by a Chav scavenger and opened attack on the emo Party leader and a scuffle started. General Vince Cable, the former general from the Battle of Cable Street came to aid the falling emos. Cable had a trick up his sleeve, he built a job centre that gave out benefits to the unemployed. The Chavs immeadiatly retreated and the battle was considered a draw.
The purposed annexation of Chavham[edit | edit source]
King David Cameron of Oxford and Dickheadshire wanted to annexe Chavham making it a mandate or possibly a country, the reason for this was to get rid of the working class. This was rejected by Lord Gordon Brown and his wife Allistar Darling stating that Chavham's import of imbred shit was a good way to beat the recession
What You Need To Survive In Chavham[edit | edit source]
This depends on whether you are there for business (Read: school or work) or pleasure (Read: killing Chavs)
For Buisness You Will Need:
- A pair of headphones attached to an MP3 player or CD player- so you do not have to listen to the incoherant gibbering that is chav speak
For Pleasure You Will Need
- A hair of headphones attached to an MP3 player or CD player- See Above
- Any gun with large amounts of ammo, to kill Chavs from a distance (the best way)
- A sword, axe or other close combat weapon- in the (hopefully) unlikely event that you do run out of ammo for your gun, you can still continue killing the Chav scum, risky but infintely more satisfying and useful.
You will never need any protection in Chavham, because Chavs never start fights, they will only join in existing fights or hurl abuse from a distance in Chavspk (the official language of Chavham), which you won't be able to hear due to your headphones
The King Of Chavham[edit | edit source]
Chavham has a strange erection system (lol)- the latest person to have sex with a slag on Kings Lag Road (also known as King Slag's Row) becomes King, this rulership usually lasts less than a day so it is no use working out who is the latest King