Capital (Deity)
Capital is the Deity of Money. It has been known to take many forms, but the sex of this Deity is unknown. It is believed that this deity is androgynous. The worship of this deity is also known as Capitalism.
Religious leaders[edit | edit source]
The religious leaders who have dedicated their lives to the worship of Capital are known to have lavish lifestyles, and build large luxurious temples to the worship of Capital. These leaders teach that if you pray to Capital, and truly believe with all your heart, you will become wealthy. They also teach that your wealth is only limited by your faith in Capital, or lack thereof. Capital is said to regularly require sacrifices of faith, and will only accept faith sacrifices of money or sacrifices of time spent creating more followers of Capital, for time is money. These sacrifices of faith are required to prove one's belief in Capital. The followers gladly give these offerings to the religious leaders, for they believe their gifts will be returned to them several fold with interest as the offerings given trickle down from blessings given by Capital through the leaders.
Religious Denominations[edit | edit source]
There are many denominations of Capitalism, and each of them compete strenuously for followers, for none can have too much money. There is the church of Dinero, the church of Moola, the church of the Yen, the church of the Almighty Dollar, the church of the Euro, the church of the Rupee, the church of Bitcoin, the church of Ponzi (also known as church of the Pyramid), the church of Wall Street (also known as church of the NYSE and church of the Dow Jones), the church of Designer Brands, the church of the Latest Technology, and more. Each church has different worshiping traditions and monetary policy, but the basics are the same. Many followers of Capital are members of multiple denominations.