Cannock

The critically-acclaimed studded concrete boob shaped ball mechanism which is featured throughout Cannock.

Cannock is the capital, and largest city of Cannockshire, a disputed territory which lies in the West Midlands area of Little Britain.

History

It is evident that Cannock was populated some 20 million years ago. Until the 1990's, it was a pleasant mining hamlet named Littleton with a huge population of 10. It was then repopulated by drunken yobs originating from Wolverhampton, a run-down city bordering the now disputed territory. The story tells of a few chaps who had had a night out on Broad Street in the Little British capital of Birmingham. Realising, at 3 o'clock in the morning, that they had not booked a taxi home, they decided to walk the tracks. Unfortunately, they were not walking the tracks to Wolverhampton, but were in fact walking down the Chase line!

They realised that with such a little population, with one shop and a pub, they could rule this lush, green, leafy land with a nicotine-stained fist. Their first move was the renaming of Littleton, to Cannock, which means the knocking back of cans of Tennants Super.

The drunken yobs populated the town 9,000-fold, using some old slags they found in Walsall. The population now trawl the streets, looking for a fight outside one of Cannock's many pubs, spitting at old ladies, thieving and torching cars, to name but a few activities.

Cannocks borders have continued to expand un-checked by the self-serving political classes that inhabit the Beecroft Road area of Cannock, which now includes the suburbs of Chadsmoor, Heath Hayes, Wimblebury, Hednesford and Huntington.

Demographics

A Chav partaking in a religious ritual, known by a small few as: 'Binge drinking'

The main demographic of Cannock are the Chav race. Common features include spots around the mouth and nose, bling around their necks, sovereign rings on each finger and fake Fred Perry trackies. They usually sport a New York Yankees cap, which somehow manages to stay on their heads considering they ride far too high.

Economy

99.9904% 100% of Cannock's population are on the dole. Each week, the Little British government hand out giro's to thousands of Chav's and Chavette's, paying for their council houses and Pampers nappies for their newly-born children, the latest fashion accessory.

There is a small economy occurring in Cannock. This is a black market economy, consisting of selling stolen Meths nicked from sessions at the clinic.

Religion

Although the birth place of Pope Benedict XVI, an estimated 73% of Cannock's citizens are of an un-named militant sect of Buddhism. The sect, unlike most of Buddhism, believes in drinking alcohol, eating meat, abortion, fighting and taking drugs. It was founded by the direct decedent of Jesus Christ, step-brother of Haile Selassie (founder of the Rastafari movement) and renowned tennis player Fred Perry in 1991. Many people can still to this day be seen paying tribute to this spiritual leader by wearing clothes dedicated to him.

Attractions

Cannock lies in the Cannock Chase, which was once an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty. This all changed once the drunks moved in. Once, deer graced the heath lands of the Chase. Now, loud skinheads sit outside the Tavern on a hot summer's day.

Other attractions include the studded concrete balls that seem to appear everywhere in the town centre, believed to be some sort of defence mechanism.

More attractions include Cannock Mountain - the largest man made mountain in the world where people of Cannock dump their rubbish, ASDA the most popular attraction for chavs buying cheap booze and Greggs where a queue of 3.576 miles is found at precisely 1.24pm every Tuesday.

On the outskirts of Cannock is Hednesford Raceway where caravans are ritualistically trashed to the strains of happy hardcore music.

Since this was originally uploaded, Cannock has now become the home to the Newlife centre in which it is world renown. Many murmurs of the Newlife echo throughout this once little town.

McDonalds in both the chase centre and Longford also offer the commonly practised ritual of picking thirteen year olds up in your 2003-2004 model Corsa. Reports have shown this has also shifted to the Renault Clio from that era.

Did you know...

• Actually the worst place in the UK according to Jeremy Clarkson. (note: If you are to be published, then at least learn the language of England... terrible when you think that "dear" is the spelling of "deer"... You would do well to become educated enough to write for the masses.)
• Video game publisher Capcom based the setting for popular multi-format Resident Evil 2's zombie infested Raccoon City on Cannock Town. You will notice when playing the game the similarities to Cannock architecture are lacking but they did however capture the shuffling, braindead, violent mobs that haunt the streets at night with striking accuracy.

Bad joke

So, this guy was saying that on the news he'd seen that this car that had been stolen near Rugeley, and that the police had noticed it being stolen, and had pursued it all the way as far as here. And then this guy's colleague asked whether that had been a Cannock Chase. The colleague is hoped to be unharmed.

Cats

It has now become a common known fact that there are, in fact, no cats in Cannock. A barrage of Homosexuals lead by her Majesty of Poland Queen Reb, the cats of Cannock were forced to dance and sing in conditions thought to be similar to the state of Walsall A nearby shit hole. This lead to a major catastrophe. The cats, after being led by Reb and her homo crew developed CAIDS. Eventually the entire feline population of Cannock died out. Thankfully the CAIDS was brought under control as the infected cats refused to pass Cannock borders into God's turd Walsall and England to the South.