Blanket

“The more, the merrier!”

~ Pierce Brosnan on blankets

Blankets are a contemporary to a bedset along with covers, pillowcases, and bedsheets. They are also the companion of the humble mattress and serve as the predecessor to sleeping bags; then again, those are just blankets with zippers.

History of the Blanket

A long time ago, at a stage where people relied on other creatures for just about everything, one individual cut open a zebra and slept inside its carcass for the time being. When members of his tribe oversaw this advance, they wanted to be encased in animal skin too. So the man gathered some people and tools in order to find the next creature that would be used for the purpose of warmth. Eventually, those people got a chance to get themselves nice and toasty for the coldest of days.

Later...

When human society was dominant as hunter-gatherers, some people realised that they could fabricate the hides of dead animals into leather in order to produce more pleasant coverings. With this improvement, others were inspired to make improvements to the bed. So, those people organized themselves in groups and gathered pelts to furnish some mattresses. The first pillows were made using the feathers of birds nearby, and so the first bed was made (no pun intended).

The Middle Ages

During these times, the wool of sheep was found to be better suited for the production of blankets and other bedsets. Along with the usage of silk, this allowed more fancy and elaborate designs to be created upon them.

As so.

Similar to the case where people forgot that the "pig" in piggy banks referred to the clay used in the pots instead of the porcine, nobody came to terms as to how this cover is named. Eventually, a man by the name of Thomas Blanket stepped down and suggested that it shall be classified in his namesake and the rest became history.

Modern Times

As people changed, so did their blankets. Little did they know that they would evolve by them side-by-side, like all human technology. In fact, the United States became one of the first nations to use cotton in the production of their beddings. However, depression striked with people hardly getting a chance to get their beddings. In the meantime, it branched itself into various sub-species based on materials and thickness: Quilt, Duvet, and Comforter. About people not affording beddings in the Great Depression, those guys gathered rags and made them into quilts. The point is, it will continue to change in some ways with some being more ridiculous than others especially during those times.

Evolution of the Blanket

As time goes by, the humble blanket has adapted itself to various situations for its usage across all demographics of people.

Fire Blanket

The Fire Blanket was developed with firefighters in mind to protect their equipment and themselves in the midst of a mission. Of all its changes, it's the only one that presents a good nature.

Horse Blanket

Even horses can get pretty cold once in a while. Who knew? Just like the fire blanket, the horse blanket boasts a positive nature although it could aid in the possibility that horses may riot against their owners in an attempt to be the dominant species.

Blanket Mummies

Blanket Mummies are made when a person gets themselves covered in many throws and attempts normal movement. They are named for these individuals... Well, you get the point. Most blanket mummies are children.

Snuggie

Snuggies may seem stupid and all, but they could serve as the ultimate evil (the price is not being considered here). They are, by far, the latest in the growth of a typical blanket with the ability to be carried with the wearer for use at any place.

How are they evil?

There comes a time when someone will stumble upon a blanket that's so comfortable that he/she would not get out of it. The effects can really screw an individual over if they have sleep deprivation. There has been speculation as to how the spirits of those who were made into comforters will rise in today's blankets and plot against humanity to get revenge for the deeds. Have no fear, for this editorial is not meant to be taken seriously.

“However, some people still trust everything the site says even though the admins make obvious it's not really supposed to be taken so seriously.”

~ TV Tropes on Uncyclopedia information

An unlucky victim of the blanket spirits.

See also

• Sleep
• Cabbage