Bat Fuck Afternoon

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A scene that was left out of the film just like everything else so far.
A still from an actual scene all filmed as stills.

Bat Fuck Afternoon is the name of an upcoming film about an irrepressible twit who keeps running around in a large bank screaming wildly conflicting instructions to employees. It will be filmed by Sidney Lumet once he hears of this idea, provided he is still alive and active by that time. Seeing how quickly important news travel on this planet now that Billgates built the Internews, this might well be inside the window of probability, somewhere there between the triple-insulated glass those modern houses have. Stupid rich fuckers have to have all that fancy shit. I hate them for putting my idea in airless space. Is it airless? That would stand to reason because vacuum has nothing to lead the warmth away from the house. This would provide great energy savings.


Early one morning a weird-looking character (played by an Al Pacino lookalike) approaches a bank with an equally weird-looking lookalike of the second edition. One of the characters - it doesn't matter which - hands an AK-47 asshole rifle to the other, who then proceeds to rob another bank with a John Casale lookalike. The audience will be disappointed later, because the exciting bank robbery subplot is never mentioned again. Many of them have enough brains to take the whole thing as a joke, but in some cases the more proactive and chemically saturated ones take matters in their own hands and smash movie theaters to fucking smithereens.

The character without the asshole rifle walks into a bank and starts yelling at employees, who do their best to fulfill his commands. This proves impossible, because he mostly gives orders to one and opposing orders to another. Thus, for instance, when customers later try to get into the bank, they are met at the doors by several employees - some of whom try to keep the doors shut while others try to open them.

The movie does not have a lot of pre-meditated dialogue, because it needs none. The only one with clear lines is the Al-Pacino-lookalike-minus-asshole-rifle (Aplmar from now on). The rest of the cast consists of stunts, because this makes for more spectacular fight scenes. Alcohol and hard drugs will not be spared during filming. Due to trade unions' demands, real weapons will be prohibited, which is a pity - but that's America for you.


If you didn't read all of the previous chapter (why didn't you?), the cast (besides about a hundred stuntmen) will consist of one John Casale lookalike and two Al Pacino lookalikes. Any old lookalikes will do. They don't even need to be actors because the whole thing will be a fucking mess anyway.

Critical acclaim[edit]

What the header says. They will all love it, except Roger Ebert, who will probably be dead by the time the film is finished. I mean, he's dead now.